Pokeymans Adventeur!
by GameSpazzer
Summary: Ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes of a badfic? What's bad writing to you might be the end of the world to someone else - a fact that Misty is about to experience firsthand. Contains multiple crossovers.
1. Chapter 1: Enter Teri

**Author's notes**: Damn, this one took a while to get out. Eh-heh….

I'll try to get a beta, but in the meantime, if there are _any _spelling or grammar errors, plot holes, poorly worded sentences (not taking style into account), or typos, _please let me know. _"First fic, please be nice" does _not _apply here. If I suck, I want to be told about it so I don't make a fool of myself. Mention it in a review or something. Spell checking can only get me so far. Flames are encouraged, as are reviews to tell me if I'm doing anything right.

The world this canon is set in will be Generation 3.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my Sues! No lawsuits, please (I don't have any money, anyway)!

And now, our feature presentation….

* * *

><p>Ther ones was a beautiful grl her naem was Teri Aspen Brooke Skye Tsaur and she had lime green hair thatr hung down 2 her waste and shimmering silver eyes with tannd skin and she was weraing a black top wtih "daft punk ritteen on it and her hare was in a brade and she was wering a white pants and she was on her way 2 b a pokemon master<p>

1 day she was walking on the road and she sae a boy he had ravrn blak hare and a red and whit baseball cap on nad a blu slevless jacket w/ a dark blu shirt underneat. He had jeans on and he looked sooooooooooooosexxa and he looked at me and was me and smiled

Ther was also a chick w/ bron hair and a short kid who lookkd had blak heir and a man with tan and squinty etes

"hi" I said "hi how are you" sed the sexu boy "my nam is Teri Aspen Broojke Skye Tsaur and I am becoming a pokémopn master " here i wil battle u lol" sed the boy and a Pikachu hoped down from his solder

"go jolteon I sed then jolten (AN 4 thos of u who dont no jolteon is supah rare in Honen lol!) and it went and sed JOLLLLLLL" and it zapped at pikacho

"WOW U R RELLY GOOD sed sexy person "my name is Ash Ketchum andi am going to be the pokemon master 2! " do u want to date me" she said said? " yes I will said Assh "this are my friends Brock and May and Max!1111" "Hi said Max and may and brock. Only may said it "dur hai derp" bcuz she was not that smrt but still nice! .

"this is Pikachu sed ash!1 "Hi Pikachy how r u? she said sweetly. pikachui hid behin ash "lol he's relly shy ash sed "lol" said teri

" do u have an more friends" said Teri.

"no I dont, I did have a fried named Misty but I kiked her out of da group bcuz shes a dumb slut lol" saed Ash loling.

The compainins want on there wa and ash kisssed Teri on the lips, she blushesd and giggled. The went 2 walk 2 movikll city!111111!

AN: LOL dis is gona b a romance sroty and i wurked relly hard on it so plz review first fic b nice. If u leve a flam i will b mad!1111111111

* * *

><p>The figure watching from a nearby tree scowled; it never did seem to end. She gave one last wistful glance at the party retreating down the road before carefully working her way down from her hiding place, landing with a slight stumble on the thick growth of the forest. She then proceeded to make her way quietly back to a small lake in the woods. A campsite rested by the body of water. Her psyduck sat against a log, staring blankly off into space, but even its vacant gaze seemed slightly melancholy.<p>

Misty stood beside the water's edge, cupped her hands around her mouth, and shouted, "Break's over, guys! We're going to Mauville… I think. It's getting harder to tell."

The water churned and frothed as a starmie, a dewgong, and a gyarados surfaced and looked at their young trainer. She pulled out their respective Poké Balls and returned them all and began to pack up the campsite, mind still racing with this new variable in the already monumental problem; Teri.

It had started out simply enough, but now it had escalated to the point where Misty feared for her friends' well being, and now this girl had been infected simply by coming into contact with them, just when the worst of the mess appeared to have done its number and bowed out.

* * *

><p><em>Misty leaned back on the bench, sighing contentedly as Ash fidgeted in his seat, gazing out at the Pokémon Center lobby. Every now and then, he would steal a glance at the door leading to the back room where his Treecko had disappeared behind five minutes ago. Noticing his obvious discomfort, Misty tilted her head towards him and smiled, and Pikachu licked his hand reassuringly.<em>

"_Ash, you can stop worrying about Treecko, I'm sure he's fine! Starmie didn't even hit him that hard. He just needs some cuts fixed up, and then he'll be good as new," she said with a nod to the door. "It was a good rematch, you worked hard and won, there'll be a party after this, and you need to stop beating yourself up over a small wound and _enjoy _yourself! I sure bet Treecko will!" She let out a small laugh. "It's not like you to be an overbearing mother swellow!" _

"_Yeah, that's your job!" came a voice to her right. Misty stuck out her tongue at Brock's joke, but in the end, she wound up laughing with him, Max, and May. It was impossible to stay mad at a guy she hadn't seen in ages. _

"_I only do it because _you _couldn't take care of yourself in a room full of pillows and self-help books," she retorted with a slight smirk. She looked at Ash, who cracked a wide smile and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, unsure if he should watch the fun or break up a potential fight. "Who knows, maybe I'll have to tag along with you guys again to keep you two from wandering off cliffs."_

"_You guys tease each other an awful lot for people who are friends, lumayo," interjected May with a giggle. _

_Ash quirked an eyebrow. "What does lumayo mean? Is it a new Pokémon?" _

_Max shook his head. "I don't think so. I've never heard of a lumayo."_

"_I don't really know," said May slowly, "it just sort of slipped out. Maybe I'm tired." Just then, the door opened, and the nurse reappeared, holding Treecko, who no longer had so much as a scratch marring his green belly. Ash laughed in relief and stood up. _

"_Or maybe," she began again, "I'm dying of cake deprivation. C'mon, let's get this party underway!" The group left the Center, verbal slip forgotten, and headed across the street to the diner, the promise of cake on everyone's minds. _

* * *

><p>"<em>Erm, is someone going to tell Misty and me what "lawl" and "lumayo" mean, or are we going to have to guess?" Max stood apprehensively off to the side, exchanging a glance with Misty at their companions' unusual behavior. <em>

_Pikachu sat in front of a blankly staring May, pawing at her face in an attempt to elicit a response. It had terrified Max when she stopped speaking in coherent sentences, instead opting for one word responses. Now he talked to her for one or two hours every day, trying to get her to say something, to interest her in the latest contest taking place in Slateport – anything – to find some fragment of what was left of his sister. Every day he managed to convince himself that he was making progress, that May would be better in no time at all. And every day, Misty couldn't work up the courage to tell him that she was, in fact, getting _worse.

_Brock turned to them and beamed. "Lawl u r funneh adnuh aks word questins!" he shouted. _

"_Yeah, dont tak thins two serisly! One!" said Ash. _

"_Guys," began Misty, "if you feel sick or dizzy, then maybe you should –"_

"_They're fine, Misty, they just need some sleep rotfull!" interjected Max. He gasped and clapped his hands to his mouth. He took a deep breath and shook his head, as if to clear it, then rolled out his bedspread next to his sister's. _

"_So do I!" _

_Misty sighed and curled up into her sleeping bag, letting the warmth of the campfire that had quite suddenly appeared out of nowhere wash over her. She spared one last look at her friends – both new and old – before letting herself fall into an uneasy sleep. _

* * *

><p>"<em>Go away one!" <em>

_The words reached Misty like a physical blow, and she stepped back, stunned at the anger in Ash's eyes. _

"_I don't understand, Ash, what did I do?" shouted Misty, stomping her foot. _

"_U R a stupid betch and u don r smurtand WE HAT U! One hundred-eleven!" babbled Max. _

"_Yeah, u nevr did anything and u just tagd along to sex wuh forwardslash Ash and mre!" said Brock, glowering at her with a look of utmost contempt on his face. _

_Misty fumed. "Are you – are you calling me a whore?"_

"_Yas lawl derp derp," mumbled May, her eyes unfocused. _

_Oh, that was _it! _"_Fine!_ I'll leave! I only stuck around for your guys' benefit, anyway! I'm a gym leader, and I can get along fine on my own, thanks! I don't want whatever disease you picked up, anyway!" And with that, she turned and stomped away from the group, Pikachu waving sadly over Ash's shoulder at her retreating form._

_Misty sat against a tree for some time, crying quietly. She was enraged at Ash for telling her to leave; at Brock, for never appreciating her presence; at Max for what she felt was a betrayal; and most of all, at herself. _

I shouldn't have walked off. Who knows what they'll do? There's obviously something wrong with them, and they might get into trouble. And they're your friends, _she reprimanded herself, _they're your friends, and it's your duty to be there for them when they need help. Max didn't give up on May, and I'm not going to give up on them!

_Feeling encouraged, she picked herself up with a small smile and headed off in the direction her friends had gone, determined to reach them and put things right. _

_Only to find that she couldn't. _

* * *

><p>The instant Misty had first tried to go within 20 feet of her friends, she was thrown back by some kind of barrier. It felt odd, similar to a Reflect barrier, but this one was different. When she curiously reached out her hand to investigate the odd wall, she was rewarded with a burnt palm. Misty couldn't recall Reflect doing that.<p>

Misty knew she was following the group more for her own good than theirs. Even if they managed to get into trouble and she was around, it wouldn't do any good. Neither she nor her Pokémon could approach them.

_It's better that you at least know what's happening to them, instead of sitting at home wondering if they're okay, _she chided herself. She picked up her pace, careful to stay out of range of the barrier whilst keeping them in her range of vision.

_You're only stuck for now,_ she thought. _You'll figure out a way through that barrier, and you'll help them all, even if you have to physically beat sense into them. You'll figure out a way to help them all. _She adjusted her backpack and trudged onwards towards the faint glow in the distance that was Mauville City.

_Even the girl. _

* * *

><p><strong>More Notes: <strong>This chapter will perhaps be the worst one, mainly because I suck at writing arguments between long-standing friends, never having had one myself.

The Sue's name, Teri, is what I always name the player character in my Pokémon files (the name is an inside joke). I picked that name because let's face it – the main character in Pokémon is a _massive _Sue. Think about it. They're virtually unconquered, they become the strongest trainer in the world just from training a level five starter, they solve practically every problem in the game as parts of sidequests, and they wind up capturing and taming a deity (or deities, depending on what game you have) that controls a force of nature, then sic said deity(ies) on unsuspecting trainers just to get a few hundred Pokédollars. If that's not a Sue, I don't know what is.

Review, gush, or flame!


	2. Chapter 2: Replacements

**Author's notes: **Second chapter! The story will flow a bit better from here on out. Leave reviews to feed the plot bunnies! You don't want them to starve, do you? _Do you, you bunny-hating bastards?_

Er….

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but my abominations of literature. All characters and settings are copyrighted to their original owners.

* * *

><p>AN: LOL DIS IS CHAPTA 2 !1 i thinik their should b mor loving so i put dis seen in!111<p>

333333

Teri and Brock and May and Max all went to teh cosino in Movill bcuz they wanted to play games and have fun

"lol first we will go to a rulet table!" said teri\

Then they went and then teri got all the anwsers right bcuz her Gardevoir wich was way more beutiful and had limpid blue and orange eyes was sykick and they knew what rouleees would hapen and they won lots of moneys lol!

Then ash took the money and went to a store and snuck of.

"wher do u think he is gone saud Max" I think he went to buy sumthinh bcuz he took some of moneys! Said Brock "dur ya durp" said may and then she tirped over her feet and they all laffed.

Then ahs cam bak and h walked out of a jewry sotre and he had a beufitul bracelet it had blak and orange and yellow and blu charms on it and ash sed

"I want u 2 hav dis bcuz u r mah gf!11" "tahkn u soooo much Ash I luv u and it ooks so lpretty on me and it complements my pale ivory skin nd my silver hair and my seafoam green and pink etyes!"

P

Ikachu got mad and sparkd "lol he is jelus" says brock then the all laffed and then they went to the casingo and played more gamsand may watched and lold with Pikachu who was just watching

AN: ther is mor actin in tha next chapt so plz review but no flamz!11111

* * *

><p>Misty frowned at the odd group from her seat on the other side of the Mauville Game Corner. Several things were very wrong here. For one, not a single person seemed to notice her companions' new speech problems. For another, she could have sworn Teri's hair was green….<p>

_It was probably just the trees reflecting off her hair, _she thought. _But that still doesn't explain…._

She was snapped out of her reverie by the sight of Ash and the others approaching her side of the casino. Not wanting another encounter with the barrier, she briskly made her way to the door and threw it open, leaving several people staring at the sight of her abrupt departure.

_Oh, sure, they stare at _me, she thought. She quietly made her way to the back of the building in an effort to continue watching the others. _Why hasn't anyone else noticed Ash and Brock and the others stumbling over their own tongues? Or winning every single round of roulette? And what was up with that gardevoir? Is it Shiny? No, it's still the wrong color. _She turned back towards the building and peered in the window, craning her neck to try and catch a glimpse of her friends.

"She's a piece of work, isn't she?"

Misty let out a yelp and turned around, eyes searching for the source of the voice. A man wearing a black cloak stood in the alley behind her. He stood absolutely still, and was slightly hunched, so the hood fell down over the top half of his face.

Misty immediately tensed, having had far too much experience with mysterious men in black. Her hand strayed to the pocket she kept Starmie in, and she stood up as tall as she could and looked at him right where she guessed his eyes would be.

"Look, mister, if you're thinking of robbing me, you're better off picking on someone your own size!" she said proudly. "I'm the leader of the Cerulean Gym, and my Pokémon could mess yours up so bad they'd be picking their own fur outta their –"

"Relax," said the stranger. He held up his gloved hands to show they were empty and cautiously took a step forward. "I'm not here to attack you, kid."

Misty continued to glare at the stranger and held her ground. _He even _sounds_ like a thug! _she thought, noting the deep voice.

"Oh, sure! I've dealt with you types before!" she said. "You'll set your Pokémon on me the minute I turn to leave, won't you!"

"My _what_? Look, I know a bit about what happened to your friends," said the man, with a hint of amusement. This time, Misty did take a step back in surprise, and her hand dropped from her pocket. "We'll go somewhere else that's not a secluded back alley, and we'll fill each other in."

"How do you know my friends?"

"I don't. Until today, I've never even seen 'em. I recognize the symptoms, though, and you and I both appear to have the same problem."

"And what problem is that?" asked Misty.

The stranger gestured towards the Game Corner, causing Misty's hand to fly back to her pocket at the sudden movement. "I'd rather not say so close to this place," he said. "Your friends – they've been acting strange lately, haven't they?" Misty blinked at his response, expecting his answer to start with "Need money, kid?".

"I have a camp set up east of here. We'll discuss this there."

Misty frowned. "Right, and now's the part where you escort me back to you camp where your friends are waiting to ambush me? Been there, done that, bought the 'I Trumped a Villainous Scheme' t-shirt!"

"No," said the stranger, "now's the part where I escort you back to my camp with you knowing that if I had wanted to attack you, I would have done it in the back alley with no witnesses around to hear you scream." Misty blinked again. _Well, he's certainly a lot more _subtle _than Team Rocket, in a creepy kinda way. _

"At least let me see you. I want to be sure you aren't James."

The stranger grunted, but reluctantly stood up straight and removed his cloak. He had a mess of unruly blond spikes and was surprisingly slightly built, considering his voice. His eyes were an odd bluish-green color, and they seemed to be strangely glowing. Misty shrugged it off as a trick of the light, and then noticed something sticking out from behind him….

Her jaw fell open and she stared.

On his back was the largest sword she had ever seen, its surface covered in geometric valleys, a series of gears at the base. It was as long as the stranger was tall, and it looked incredibly heavy.

_How does he not fall over from all that weight? That thing must weigh more than a wet slowpoke, and who even uses – _

"Can we go now? I'd prefer not to linger here." The stranger's voice brought her out of her train of thought, and she nodded. He draped the cloak back over his shoulders to cover the sword, and they made their way out of the city, sticking to back roads and alleys. Eventually, they reached the outskirts of Route 117. Misty was panting, jogging in an effort to keep up with the stranger's long strides.

"Can I – at least – get – your name?" she gasped in between strides.

The stranger looked back at her, startled, and thankfully slowed his pace to one that Misty could keep up with.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. So, name?"

A pause. "Cloud."

"Hi, Cloud. I'm Misty! So, exactly why are we moving so fast?"

They entered the trees, and the stranger – Cloud – seemed to calm down slightly. "I don't really like large crowds. That, and the fact that that girl could have decided to leave that casino place at any time. I didn't want to be around for that, and judging by the speed you left, I'd say you didn't, either."

"Not like I have much of a choice," grumbled Misty morosely. Cloud, unbeknownst to Misty, raised an eyebrow, but let the comment pass.

Silence followed, giving Misty time alone with her thoughts. _If I go with this guy, I won't be able to keep an eye on Ash and the others…. I should have never left, they'll just get hurt – what am I saying? If Cloud knows what happened to my friends, he'll be able to help them better than I could just staring at them like a lovesick Snubull…. Arg! I hate feeling so useless all the time! _

After a few more minutes of walking in silence – Misty got the impression that Cloud did not like talking very much – they finally reached a small, burnt-out campfire. Cloud removed his cloak and sword and sat down against a tree, while Misty sat down in a more open grassy area. No bug Pokémon were crawling down _her _shirt, thank-you-very-much!

She noticed that even in the dim light, Cloud's eyes were actually _glowing. He must be one of those psychic trainers, _she thought.

Misty, realizing she now had an opportunity where it wouldn't get accidentally trampled or beaten by her larger Pokémon, took the chance to release her Psyduck. Cloud gave a start at the sudden burst of light, but after watching the small Pokémon for a moment, he relaxed again.

He gestured to her with one hand. "You start."

Misty nodded and took a deep breath. "Well, Ash came back to visit me after awhile for a rematch, but May – she's the one you probably saw drooling – well, she made this weird noise, and after two weeks they were all making weird noises, and none of them could talk properly, and they all started glaring at me for no reason and I couldn't understand half of what they were saying –" Could held up a hand, smiling slightly.

"Slow down, Yuffie, or you'll suffocate and you won't have a choice to. Just take it slowly."

"Who's Yuffie?" asked Misty.

Cloud let out a short huff of air that might have been a laugh. "A friend of mine. Never mind. Continue."

"Right. So, um, they all started hating me for no reason, and one day, Ash… he told me to leave. I was mad at him, I guess, but I shouldn't have let that get in the way. I did, though, and I left." She paused, hoping she wasn't going too fast for Cloud, but his eyes were still fixed on her expectantly, and he nodded in sympathy. _He might not like talking, but he's good at listening, _decided Misty.

As Misty was recounting her story, Psyduck had taken to wandering about the campfire, sniffing Cloud's pack curiously.

"…and then this girl shows up, and she isn't speaking right either, and she's instantly in love with Ash, and Ash is fawning over her too. So I thought that maybe they'd caught some weird disease, or some ghost Pokémon had attacked them or something, and the effects were spreading. But now you're saying you want to avoid her, so now I'm thinking that maybe – oomph!"

Psyduck, who had been preoccupied with sniffing Cloud's belongings, had taken one sniff of Cloud and squawked a loud "PSYYYYYYYY!" before abruptly burying itself in Misty's arms.

Cloud, oddly enough, merely sighed like he had been expecting it, and waved at her to continue. Misty returned Psyduck to its Poké Ball, nonplussed.

"Um... you're not mad?"

Now it was Cloud's turn to stare at Misty. "No. Should I be?"

"Well," said Misty slowly, as though Cloud had hit his head, "my Pokémon doesn't like your scent. That doesn't bother you?"

He gave that odd half-laugh again. "No, I'm kind of used to it by now. I'll explain it to you later."

"Okay. Well, like I was saying, I thought that maybe whatever was wrong with Ash, May, Max, and Brock, she'd caught it too," she said. "But now that you've been acting like she was an upset Electrode, I'm starting to think that maybe she's the one doing this. Am I right?" she asked with a smile.

Cloud sighed, obviously not thrilled with the idea of a long speech, and began to talk. "Well, I don't really know. However, that would be my guess, if I was forced to make one. I don't know how they do it, but I'm almost certain it's them."

"Them? What do you mean? Are these people part of an organization?"

"No. Or, at least, I hope not. But they're obviously different from normal people, enough that they can be spotted if you know what to look for."

Misty grinned. "Your turn. Spill the beans."

"I was doing some work with… an organization I belong to. Part of our job is to travel around and help people, because the place I'm from is, well, in a bit off a mess, to put it lightly. I went to this town that got burnt down some time ago, because it was being attacked by monsters."

Misty gaped. "They sent one guy against a bunch of rampaging Pokémon? You should file a complaint!"

Cloud actually chuckled at this. "Until two days ago, I didn't even know what a Pokémon was. We don't really have them where I'm from. Besides, another friend of mine is in charge of the group. I don't think he would have sent me if he thought I couldn't handle it. And I'm still here, aren't I?" he said, not unkindly.

Misty was still gawking. _Never heard of a Pokémon? But he took them all on and lived…?_

Cloud pressed on, oblivious to Misty's shock. "There were a lot of them, and about halfway through the fight, this guy dropped out of nowhere. Odd looking guy, too. Bright blue and orange hair, and mako eyes, of all things." Misty frowned, and Cloud sighed and leaned forward. "Look. These are mako eyes."

Misty leaned in and looked. His eyes appeared to be a solid blue at first, but she noticed a glowing, pulsing green ring around the pupils that seemed to have a life of its own.

Cloud leaned back and continued speaking. "Mako eyes mark people that have been exposed to large quantities of mako. Where I'm from, it's an augmentation agent, among… other things." He looked almost sad at those words, but it quickly passed, and he continued speaking. "Usually, only people belonging to this elite military group – Soldier – have them, but he couldn't possibly be one. I know for a fact that all the Soldiers left died at the Reunion. So who was this guy, and why was he helping me?

"After the job was done, he introduced himself as Frost, and said he'd managed to avoid Sephiroth's call. That… that should have been the first warning sign. He said he'd heard a lot about me, and that he'd like to join our group. I couldn't see a reason not to let him; he had proven himself a capable fighter only moments ago, so I took him back with me when the pickup helicopter came by.

"Over the next few weeks, things started getting weird, but I didn't question it. He was a better fighter than me, a better pianist than Tifa, a better shot than my friend Vincent, good with the kids…. I should have, but I didn't want to," he said, sighing. An unreadable expression came over his face for just an instant, making Misty blink. "A couple of my friends, they… they died awhile ago, and he said he'd bring them back. Somehow, _he did._ Zackary Fair and Aerith Gainsborough; they just showed up one day at Tifa's bar. I guess I was too thrilled to question why the hell they were back – hell, we all were. But it wasn't them that came back. None of us wanted to see it, but we all noticed after a few days, whether we wanted to or not."

He rubbed a hand against his forehead, and Misty noticed that he suddenly looked very, very old and tired.

"It was like… it was like someone had drawn caricatures of them and given them life. Aerith… all she did was giggle and take care of her flower garden, and she seemed so _empty _somehow. She sounded like a fortune cookie. The Aerith I knew… she was a Cetra, true, but she loved a good joke more than any of us. I have some unpleasant experiences at Wall Market to thank for that." He gave that quiet chuckle again. "The only thing Zack would do was make jokes and laugh at things. And they were empty, both of them.

"I confronted him about it. He said that we must have not remembered them properly, because 'it was them, cross his heart and hope to die'. His words. And somehow, we bought that. Eventually, though, he made me suspicious enough to confront him, even after all that mess. He ousted himself." Cloud gave a half-smile. _I wonder if he ever laughs or smiles for real, _thought Misty.

"Frost was a better mechanic than Cid. Nobody, no matter who they are, is better than Cid at building things." He stopped to look at Misty. Apart from a brief flash of confusion at an unfamiliar name or term, she seemed to be keeping up, so he continued.

"I caught him alone at the bar when Tifa went upstairs to put Denzel to bed. I asked him who he was, and what those things masquerading as Aerith and Zack were. He didn't really appreciate me asking though…."

* * *

><p>"<em>You shouldn't be asking…. Isn't it enough that your friends are back?" The words "despite your failures" were left unspoken, but nonetheless hung heavy in the air. <em>

_Cloud glowered at the man currently lounging across the bar, his stool tilted dangerously backwards. "It's not them. We all know it, and I'm the one saying something! Who are you, anyway? For all I know, you could be another piece of Jenova!" _

"_Oh, Cloud," said Frost, smirking, "you really should trust your friends. We're all here to support you –" _

"_That's right," interrupted Cloud, slamming him against the bar, "my friends are here to help me. And I'm here to help them. That's why I'm asking you to _stay the hell away from them._" _

_Frost glared at the swordsman and flung out a hand. A wave of compressed air hit Cloud in the gut, and he hit the floor with a grunt of surprise. "You're a bit too stubborn for your own good, Cloud. Perhaps I should fix that." There was a small ripple in the air, like a mirage on a hot day, but Cloud barely gave this a second glance as he jumped to his feet, hand on the hilt of his sword, read to lunge –_

_There came a flurry of rapid footsteps as Tifa came barreling down the stairs, alarmed by the crash downstairs. She skidded to a halt against a table and looked at Frost concernedly. "I heard a crash, is everything okay?" _

_Frost grinned. "It's all good here. I tipped over leaning on one of your stools. Maybe you should bolt them to the floor!" _

_Tifa began to laugh as if it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard. Cloud frowned. "Teef, are you okay?" Tifa ignored him. _

_After a moment, she stopped laughing and frowned. "Say, where's Cloud?" _

_Cloud waved halfheartedly at Tifa, slowly edging his way in between Frost and her. "Right here, Tifa –"_

"_He just went upstairs," said Frost, seemingly oblivious to him, "you must have missed him. Can I come up? I'm just going to say goodnight to Denzel, then I'll be on my way." _

"_Sure," said Tifa, nodding. _

"_Teef? Tifa, hello?" Tifa continued to ignore him as she followed Frost up the stairs. _

_Cloud stared at Tifa, unnerved at the fact that she hadn't even looked at him the entire time he'd been standing there. _I don't get it, _he thought. _Is she mad at me? It's like she couldn't even….

_He reached out to tap her on the shoulder as she and Frost made their way up the stairs. A moment later, he reeled back in shock and stared at his hand. _

_It had gone straight through her._

_Standing stock still on the staircase, opposite hand clutching his wrist in consternation, Cloud found himself hyperventilating as a thousand unpleasant possibilities crossed his mind, ranging from a new form of degradation; to his Jenova cells mutating; to the possibility that he had perhaps died, and was now just an odd blip of Lifestream floating around, just like Aerith had been until the day after the Advent…. He bit his finger, expecting to wake up. When he didn't, it only added to his panic, and a moment later he heard something that made his blood run cold. _

"_Goodnight, Tifa." _

_Cloud bolted up the stairs. That was _his _voice. How could it be _his?_ He turned the corner and saw Tifa leaving his room. He ran in the open door, and blinked hard. Sitting on his bed was himself. _

_Cloud's breath caught in his throat, and he felt his knees wobble as he thought back to Sephiroth's words of him being nothing more than a construct of Jenova and memories, that maybe…. _

No. Get a hold of yourself. _He shut his eyes and began making attempts to slow his breathing. _ Every time you jump to conclusions, you get someone hurt. Examine the situation.

_Cloud opened his eyes and looked at the Cloud on the bed. Slowly, he edged over to his doppelganger, who didn't seem to notice him. Upon closer examination, Cloud noticed with another small shock that it had the same empty eyes that "Aerith" and "Zack" seemed to have. Cloud watched him curiously from the doorway for a moment as the other Cloud stared out the window. _

Does my hair really stick up that much? _he thought. _

_Cloud was about to leave to check on Tifa and hopefully wake up in his bed when he heard an odd noise from behind him. He turned to find the other Cloud was actually _crying.

What in the…?

_Cloud received yet another unpleasant surprise as the other Cloud reached for the hunting knife he kept under his pillow and brought it across his opposite wrist in one fluid movement. He then rolled over in the bed and fell into an uneasy sleep a few seconds later. _

_If Cloud's eyes had been wide before, they quickly expanded to the size of dinner plates. He flew down the hall to Tifa's room, watching in disbelief as Tifa calmly said goodnight to Frost, disregarding him completely. _

_As distraught as he was, it was impossible to miss Frost sending him a very nasty smirk indeed. _

* * *

><p><strong>More notes: <strong>Today's late-ass chapter was brought to you by jalapeño chips! Jalapeño Chips: for all your chapter-writing needs!

Yep, what you're seeing here is Super-Emo-Uke-Cloud. People have an unfortunate tendency to remove his spine for some reason, forgetting that 1. people get depressed in different ways, and 2. this is an unfortunate stereotype that needs to die. Notice how Cloud behaves when you fish him out of the Lifestream, or near the end of Advent Children Complete. That's his real personality right there, folks. Sure, he's not the cheeriest guy in the world, but he's not... _that. _

From here on out is where all the crazy shit happens! Review, gush, or flame! FEED THE PLOT BUNNIES! TUPPENCE A REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 3: Preparations and Police Boxes

**Author's notes: **This chapter was a bitch to write, mostly because there were a thousand elements I wanted to introduce, and only a rough idea of what order I wanted them in.

This was actually going to be quite a bit longer, as well as feature entirely different characters that will appear later, but I scrapped the entire thing for a later chapter and retyped this whole thing.

Special thanks to **mi **for reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **If I owned any of this, Dirge of Cerberus wouldn't have the main character be a guy whose dialogue mostly consisted of ellipses in the original work, and Klink and Luvdisc wouldn't exist (Laziest. Pokémon designs. EVER).

* * *

><p>Both Misty and Cloud sat in silence for a moment. He took a deep breath and resumed his story. "I stuck around for three days after that, just watching, like you did. That thing… it wouldn't stop <em>whining. <em>I don't mean complaining, I mean _whining. _It scared Tifa half to death, when she came in the next morning and found it lying in the bathtub, bleeding from where it had carved "worthless" into its arms and from its slit wrists. She had to close the bar and spend the rest of the day watching it, making sure it didn't do anything else stupid. I tried shouting at Tifa and Denzel, but it was like I wasn't even there. I made plans to leave after the second day, though. Things started getting too weird, even for the situation at hand."

"Why? What happened?"

Cloud's face took on a peculiar expression and went furiously red. Misty decided the closest thing she had seen to it was when Ash had taken an irate donphan to the gut.

"Frost… well… maybe when you're older."

Misty scowled. "I'm not that young! I'm twelve!"

"Like I said, when you're older."

She grunted in frustration. "Fine. Four questions."

Cloud fidgeted. "Go ahead."

"The first one counts as one question," she said. "You keep saying you've never seen a Pokémon, and stuff like 'where I'm from', and your eyes look… kind of weird. And you carry a _sword. _Who are you, where did you come from? And how did you get here?"

"My name's Cloud Strife, and apart from working for the WRO – that organization – I run a delivery service. I came from… somewhere else. I'm not really sure where this is in relation to my home, because of how I got here. I told you I left after three days. I wasn't really sure where I was going to go, since I couldn't interact with anything. I guess I just wanted to be away from Frost, though. Besides, with all my friends looking at him like he was a gift from the gods, I doubted they could help me even if I managed to communicate with them somehow. I took my sword and some mastered materia and snuck out the back.

"I found this hole there, a hole in the middle of the air. It was hidden behind some trash cans, but the energy coming from it made it nearly impossible to miss. You could feel it in the air, a bit like humidity, only different. There were trees on the other side. I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I went through, and I wound up in the woods here. For some reason, people can see me here, so I've been laying low for the past two days. I guess I thought that since the hole led here, the people would know something about what was going on, but I suppose everything looked normal. Then I saw your friends fawning over that girl, and you looking at them like you had swallowed a lemon, and I put two and two together. Then I realized that if there were two, then there had to be more, and that this one had already done a bit of damage. And now we're here."

Misty stared at him. "You figured all that out by looking at my face and seeing some people crowding around a girl?"

He rubbed the back of his head and gave that laugh-that-wasn't-a-laugh noise. "I'm used to dealing with people who like to screw with my perceptions of reality. After awhile, you learn to look for certain things when you're backed into a corner. It helps you hang on to what you know, and pinpoint what you don't. The first part is especially important."

Misty gave Cloud a scrutinizing look at his last sentence, but pressed on. "Okay, second question: People can still see me, and they can see you, but not where you're from? Are you a ghost or something? What gives?"

"I can only guess at that," he said, shrugging, "and as far as I can tell, I'm alive. I'm guessing you haven't seen another you running around somewhere?"

"Right…. Wait a minute! You said he didn't want you interfering, but if that thing is still there, he obviously still needs you around for some reason, right?" _Huh, that's weird. He went all red again. _

"Erm… right."

"But Ash said he wanted me gone, which is why I can't get near them anymore. I guess they didn't need me around after all!" Her face lit up, and then fell a second later. "That didn't sound as depressing in my head…."

"It wasn't him," Cloud said quickly. "Teri wanted you out of the way for good. I guess she didn't have a use for you, and you weren't conducive to her plans."

"So she still thinks I'm useless. I'll show her…." she grumbled. She began picking at a hangnail.

"You can do that later. And I'm not comfortable with some of these questions – don't start, I'm not blaming you – so let's keep going."

"Well, my third was going to be if you'd seen another Misty whining around the city somewhere, but now it's about what we're going to do," said Misty.

"Huh?"

"Well, are we going back to where you came from? How am I going to help Ash? How are you going to help Tifa?"

"Well, since there's probably more than one of these things, we need to find one we can both interact with. Then we ask them some questions," he said.

"Like what?"

"Well, I suppose I'd ask if they had any ideas of causing mass chaos on Monday, because I'm planning to sleep in."

Misty looked up from her nails and at Cloud. His face was completely blank. "Did you make a joke? I didn't know you could do that," she said. "You're so grumpy-looking."

Cloud rolled his eyes slightly. "I'm flattered. Getting back to the point, I guess we'd ask them about motivation; why they're doing this, things like that."

"And then we'll figure out how to stop them?"

He nodded. "That's the idea."

"Okay! Another adventure!" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "It's been some time since I last had one, though, so I'll be a little rusty!"

"It might be dangerous. Are you sure you want to go?"

Misty giggled. "Wow, you really _aren't _from around here! I used to travel around with Ash Ketchum, and we had _tons _of adventures! I guess you weren't here for that time when the world was almost destroyed?"

He scratched the back of his head. "Go on."

"Some greedy scumbag sparked a war between the titans of ice, fire, and lightning, and that got the local guardian deity all riled up, and the entire planet almost flooded!"

Cloud stood slowly and reached for his sword and harness, giving what Misty _almost _counted as a smile, shaking his head. "Some things never change," he muttered, more to himself than to Misty.

"I know, right? That must have been at least the fourth time that year, and it definitely wasn't the last. Then there was this whole mess about a prophecy, we wound up driving a boat through a cave, and Ash turned out to be the Chosen One!"

Cloud glanced up from adjusting his harness and raised an eyebrow. "Did he tell you that?"

"Are you calling him a liar?" she said indignantly.

"I'm just a bit skeptical."

"Well, it was him, and he _wasn't _lying! Nobody else could have awakened the three orbs."

Cloud sighed and draped his cloak over himself. "Whatever."

Misty stuck out her tongue at Cloud when his back was turned. He stiffened and whirled around, making her blush. Then she noticed that he was looking behind her with his brow furrowed.

_Uh-oh. _

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a Poké Ball, racing after Cloud, who had dashed off deeper into the forest ahead of her. "I heard something," he shouted over his shoulder.

_How does he run that fast with that huge sword on his back? _she wondered, struggling to keep up.

Eventually, she caught up to Cloud, who had stopped just short of a clearing. He turned back to her and motioned for her to be quiet as she walked up to where he was standing.

"What…? That's not from where you are, is it?" asked Misty, staring at the clearing.

"No, the hole closed up yesterday, and this isn't exactly where it was, anyway, but… what's a police box doing in the middle of a forest?"

* * *

><p>AHS and Teri wer makin out and then ash grabed her bobs with wer relly buig and then and then they herd a loud noise so they went and saw may fallin down the stares and then they said "lol" and then Brock came and then he sed "I WAS WACHIN U GUYS MAK OUT AND IT WAZ RELLY HAWT AND ALSO A TRAINER IS CHALENJING U, TERI!"<p>

Then Teri said "Brock u r disgusting" and Ash hit him in face and then sed "Who it was Teri"

Then teris Gardevar said "I am sykik and it was from A MYSTERIUS STRANNGER and he says "u guys should get far far away bcuz ther r sum ppl her tryin 2 kill u Teri!" and one of them is have blonf hares and a sord and the oher is that bich Mitsy!11111111111"

then ash said OMFG THAT BICH MISTY IS GONA HURT MY TRU LUV! And then brock saisd I WILL BEET HER OP LOL!111111111 BUT FIRTS WE WILL RUN!

THEN THEY RANNED!1111111111

AN: LOL its werd I didn typ lots of dat stuff but it aperd in the word thingy and I sed ok its cool so now its their! next chapta might have a lemon lol ^u^

* * *

><p>Somewhere in the world, a spot in the air shone, stretched, and opened.<p>

* * *

><p>After sitting in silence for a moment, the door to the blue box opened, making Misty jump, and two people emerged.<p>

_How in the world did _two _people fit into that thing? _thought Misty.

The first was a man in a brown pinstriped suit, whose mouth was currently aiming a rapid-fire barrage of ten syllable words towards the second person, a blonde girl in a leather jacket; who was surprisingly occasionally coming up with a ten syllable word or two of her own.

"…there are holes opening up everywhere, Rose, _holes, _not just the little cracks in time like before –" Misty and Cloud exchanged a glance, "– and there haven't even been this many during the Time War, which makes no sense, because as far as I can tell, we're really the only ones who've been travelling around to that extent. Not to mention there's been a healthy lack of time paradoxes lately – not that I'm not grateful for that, I am, really, I don't fancy being eaten again, but if there were time paradoxes opening up, we'd at least know what's been happening, which we don't. Well," he said, breaking off abruptly to wave what looked like a small blue flashlight around in the air, "at least the hole seems to have repaired itself, which is odd, but very fortunate, and – well, would you look at that."

The girl in the jacket, Rose, frowned. "What is it, Doctor?"

The man in the suit was also frowning, his eyes on the flashlight. "A different resonance pattern – one that shouldn't be in this world." His eyes darkened. "Something got out." He waved the flashlight, which was now emitting a high-pitched whine, around in the air a bit, and his eyes rested on the bush Misty and Cloud were hiding behind. Cloud tensed.

The man motioned for Rose to stay behind him, and they approached the bush. "I know you're hiding there. What are you, and why are you here?"

Cloud and Misty exchanged another glance before stepping out from behind the bush. Misty kept her hand by her pocket. Just in case.

"Um… hi," she said nervously. The man let his hand with the flashlight drop and raised his eyebrow.

"Well, it's better than a Dalek, right, Doctor?" said Rose with a laugh.

The man gave a cheery wave to Misty and walked up to Cloud. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be in this world," he said, a curious expression on his face.

Cloud crossed his arms. "You tell me. Judging by your lecture, I'd say you know a hell of a lot more about this than I do."

"Who are you people?" interjected Rose.

Misty blinked. _I ought to keep a tally of people I meet in bizarre circumstances. Can't I just meet someone in a café anymore? _"My name's Misty Yawa, leader of the Cerulean City Pokémon Gym. This is Cloud Strife."

The man in the suit still stared at Cloud with suspicion, even if the hostility in his gaze had dissipated. "And who is Cloud?"

"I… I don't really know," she admitted. Cloud stepped forward and removed his hood.

"I met Misty a few hours ago, so if I've done something wrong by coming here, she had no part in it." Misty blushed. "However, if you want to know more about these holes, I could tell you how I got here. Moments ago, I just wrapped up some pipe-dream story about a rip in the middle of the air."

"If you're here to help, then I could, too," said Misty. "We think the hole Cloud came through and some of my problems might be connected."

The blonde girl smiled. "We should get started. My name's Rose Tyler, by the way."

"And I'm the Doctor!"

"Doctor what?" said Cloud.

The Doctor winced. "Ah, you're doing it all wrong!" Cloud's eyebrows knitted together, and he opened his mouth to say something, before the Doctor cut across. "And it's just the Doctor," he said.

Misty noticed that Cloud's gaze had become noticeably colder. _What's your problem? _

"I don't think you've done anything wrong by coming here," said the Doctor, "but you definitely shouldn't be here, in the same way that we shouldn't be here. What I meant was that you shouldn't have even been able to _get _here, at least, not without frying yourself, because wormholes have a tendency to fry people like cheap fast food. Holes in the air, though… those don't quite sound like wormholes."

"Since you're the one that went through it, I think you should start," said Rose, sitting against the side of the blue box and waving a hand towards Cloud.

Misty grinned. "Looks like you get to be the one talking again, whether you want to or not."

Cloud slumped against a tree in defeat.

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, the Doctor had picked up her story where Cloud's and Misty's had left off and explained how they had been tracking unusual energy signatures for about two weeks. Rose was looking sympathetically at Cloud and Misty, while the Doctor stared at the former in deep thought. The Doctor was the first to speak.<p>

"The barrier probably has a simple explanation – most likely biosynthetic, because from what Misty said, it seems a good chunk of the wildlife here can produce something similar. But what I can't figure out," he said, leaning a bit closer to Cloud, "is how you were kicked out of your own life on a quantum level. As for the copy… perhaps a mitotic assimilatory symbiote of some sort?"

Cloud nodded. "That was the first thing that came to mind, actually –"

"Wait a minute, you're telling me some weird science-y thing was the _first thing you thought of? _That's _his _job!" said Rose, tilting her head toward the Doctor at her last words and staring incredulously at Cloud.

Cloud chuckled. "We've had dealings in the past. I'll leave it at that for now. But I highly doubt it is one."

"What makes you say that?" said the Doctor.

Misty edged away from Cloud ever so slightly when she saw the look that Cloud was giving the Doctor. _It's the same kind of look Mewtwo gives people, only less obvious, _she noted with a shudder.

"That kind of alien, or, at least, the one I've had to deal with, needs to get the information directly before it can replicate it. It can be anything – physical traits, memories, thought patterns – but it needs direct contact. I never touched anything that might have been that thing upstairs. But it still had a personality. It was a whiny, grating, flat personality, but it was there. And it had my memories. I know that one for a fact because it bitched about them for two hours." Cloud looked rather bitter.

"Yeah, I suppose that's a bit more complicated than your average copycat organism," said the Doctor with a shrug. "Well, first things first! Let's have a look at this Teri, because all of this starting around the same time as her and Frost's appearances probably isn't a coincidence, as I'm sure you've figured out."

"Um, Doctor…." said Rose, gesturing to Misty.

"Oh. Right. Well, you just show us the way there, and I guess we'll just watch. I'm not a fan of having a whiny doppelganger of mine waltzing around, jumping –"

The tips of Cloud's ears had colored, and Rose cleared her throat loudly and glanced at Misty.

"Er… jumping around my TARDIS, breaking things."

Misty scowled. _How stupid do these people think I am? _

"Okay, then. Let's get going," she said.

A loud rustling noise coming from the bushes mad everyone jump, and a moment later, a louder "UAAAAAAAAABAAAAAAA!" made everyone but Misty back up against the blue police box. The irate redhead removed a Poké Ball from her pocket and glared fiercely at the bushes. A man with blue hair and a woman with red hair both dressed in white burst from the bushes and posed back to back.

"_Prepare for trouble!" _

"_And make –"_

"Who are you? What do you want?" cut in Cloud, stepping forward.

The woman pouted. "You're doing it all wrong! And we were _getting _to that, before you rudely butt in."

"You better answer!" said Misty, seething. "Don't you two have anything better to do?"

Something beige dropped from the trees and landed in front of the two. "Meowth, that's right!" shouted a small creature resembling a cat.

The entire group blinked. Misty turned to glare at Meowth.

"What? Did I miss my cue?" he said.

Cloud started slightly. "It talks?"

"Do you know these people?" said Rose, frowning.

Misty clicked a button on her Poké Ball, releasing her Politoed. "Unfortunately. They're Jessie and James. They're a bunch of crooks who've been following us around for two years."

James smiled. "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it! Now hand over your Pokémon, twerp, or you and your friends will be in a world of hurt!"

Misty paled, and Jessie noticed. "That's right, twerp, your friends aren't here to help you this time! Go, Seviper!" She flung her Poké Ball in between the group and the TARDIS. To the shock of everyone but Misty, a massive snake with a bladed tail materialized seemingly out of nowhere. A shout of "Cacnea!" was heard from James, and a small plantlike creature appeared in front of the duo, trapping the others in between the two creatures. Misty saw the Doctor immediately began glancing around, looking for a way to save them. _He won't need to, _thought Misty, _I'm not giving up without a fight! _

"Politoed! Use Body Slam!"

Politoed made a noise of consent and dove forward, plowing itself into the Cacnea, both of them skidding all the way into James. Politoed gave a cry and scrambled back from the KO'd Pokémon's thorns.

"Seviper, use Poison Tail on the girl!" Seviper snarled and lunged for Rose, who rapidly jogged backwards to avoid the snake.

_Oh shit. _Misty spared a glance at Politoed, who was still recovering from Cacnea's thorns, and reached for her pocket, knowing whatever she did wouldn't be fast enough.

So it was quite a shock when a blast of blue flame went hurtling into Seviper, sending it flying sideways.

Misty whirled around to find Cloud standing behind her with, his hand still outstretched. An equally stunned Team Rocket returned their Pokémon and ran for it, shouting a quick "Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" over their shoulders.

Misty patted her Politoed on the head and returned it, then rounded on Cloud with a wide-eyed expression on her face. Rose and the Doctor seemed surprised, but appeared to be adjusting very quickly.

"You can throw fire?" Misty asked incredulously.

"Huh?" said Cloud.

"You can _throw fire?" _she repeated.

Cloud stared back at her. "Why is this such a big deal? I saw a dog do the exact same thing, and nobody even blinked."

"You can _throw fire?" _

"Should I apologize to Rose, then? I wasn't aware I did anything wrong," he said.

"Misty, what the hell was that about?" said Rose.

"Huh?" said Misty.

The Doctor was now staring at Cloud with fascination, making the blond shift uncomfortably. "How did you do that?"

"Mastered materia. If you practice enough, you can produce your own version of the spell unique to you," he said, demonstrating by briefly encasing his hand in the blue fire again.

Misty frowned. "What?"

Cloud closed his hand on the fire and it disappeared. "Look, I'll explain all this later. I'd like it if we actually accomplish something, if that's not too much to ask."

"You better," she said, "because anyway, I still didn't get to ask my fourth question."

"Huh?" said Rose.

"We can deal with personal details later, say, _after _we investigate the possible source of several space-time anomalies," said the Doctor. Cloud nodded to the Doctor in a look of thanks. _Maybe he's not so bad, after all. _

"Well, then!" said the Doctor, clapping his hands together, "Lead the way, Misty! Allons-y!"

Misty swallowed apprehensively, but smiled at the prospect of another adventure. She stepped forward out of the clearing towards Mauville City.

* * *

><p><em>It watched from behind the veil of reality. It knew its time was coming, but it could scent something else abound. Something that should not be; some other things that had yet to come. It felt impatient, which was not possible in a place that lacked the true passage of time to begin with. In the background, something else was nearing: always nearing, the scent of metal and rust, sweat and adrenaline. It stretched in its prison that wasn't a prison. <em>

_It had been so long. _

_It could wait a little longer to break free. _

* * *

><p><strong>More notes: <strong>Christ, this thing is out late! I got attacked by life. Also, I think I lost my TV Tropes password, and my cookie got deleted. Oops….

Before you eat me alive, I don't hate Vincent. I just think he's one of those characters that work as part of the supporting cast, but not as the main character. A bit like Robin Williams, only more angst-y.

I'm not entirely sure why Cloud catches on fire during his Limit Breaks now, so I've made an educated guess and decided it's because of this. It makes sense in a weird way, if you think about the game's explanation of materia.

I think I blew the techno-babble. I'm not too concerned about the astrophysics part of it (it's actually an interest of mine), but I failed my biology class, so I'm just going on my previous knowledge of the Latin language. Biology majors, feel free to correct me.

Super special thanks to all my readers! Please review, gush, or flame!


	4. Chapter 4: Blows Exchanged

**Author's notes: **School has started, which means I can no longer pull all-nighters to get chapters done (except on Fridays). I _will_, however, continue to update.

The plot bunnies fucked and multiplied like crazy over the past few days. Keep in mind that this story will be fairly long – thirty chapters, perhaps more.

I propose a challenge: I want to know how many of you will catch which writing style and famous Sue I'm mocking with each original Sue.

**Disclaimer: **The only things I own are Aurelia (I know, _another _one. Just bear with me, guys), Frost (the crazy-haired one), and Teri. I'm not particularly proud of that fact. Don't _sue! _(Lawl, geddit? Ba-dum-_tish! _*Bricked*)

* * *

><p>AN: If you can not respect peoples writing styles then you are CHILDISH AND IMMATURE! This story takes place after THIS STOY IS VERY DEAR TO ME AND I WILL NOT HABE CHILDISH PEOPLE WHO CAN NOT BEHAVE THEM SELVES ON LINE RIDICULE MY STORY ONE MORE MINUET! IF THIS STORY IS TOO QUEER FOR YOU, DON'T READ IT!<p>

* * *

><p>It was a fine day aboard the <em>Sulaco<em>, and I was just walking down to the mess hall for the last time before we would be sent into hypersleep, and then we would be in hypersleep. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Aurelia Sunglass Windsinger, and I am twenty-five years old. I have rich brown hairs that glows golden in the sunlight and warm, sparkling champagne-colored eyes, and people tell me I am beautiful, but I am modest and I know I am not. I am an orphan and I was raised by the fair Arcturian race. I walked down the bridge, and I sat next to Corporal Hicks, who looked at me with surprised.

"Who the fuck are you?" "When did you get clearance to board a military vessel?" he said, clearly smitten by my good looks, but I was plain looking with my golden skin and radiant smile.

"I'm Aurelia, I'm the new Marine assigned to watch over Miss Ripley!" "Don't you remember, you silly goose?" I said chasstized him.

He looked confused, but I forgave him. "Oh, um… of course. How could I forget?" "I'll just be over there, talking with Ripley…." He said moving away obviously shy.

He the sarted talking to Ripley while nervously looking over his shoulder every now and then. I felt myself getting hot just looking at him and I could tell how much he wanted me. Then suddenly their was a bang.

Bishop looked up, and said "I'd like to say that was the metal settling, but we're in space."

Then there was an other bang, and an alien burst into the room!

Ripley screamed "_What the fucking hell!" _and went to grab a flamethrower.

Then Bishop said he was confused. "What?" "Is this the alien you saw?"

Vasquez and Hudson and the rest of the marines shot at the monster, which sprayed acid on the metal and kept biting at them.

Just when it lunged for Hicks I used my special psychic powers that were taught to me by the Arcturians. I channeled the flow of pure power threw my veins and sent a bolt of energy flying at the alien, killing it instantly.

I smiled shyly at my friends because I didn't want to feel proud of what I did because I'm so modest. They stared at me, and then Ripley spoke up.

"How in the nine hells did that happen?" sh e said

I began to explain hoping they wouldn't judge me. "I'm actually an honorary member of the ancient Arcturian race and they raised me from birth –"

"No," said Ripley, interrupting like the crotch-blocking bitch she was, "how did it even get aboard? We took of directly from Earth after decontamination, and we still aren't anywhere near LV-426. It shouldn't even be here. By rights neither should you," she said suddenly, glaring at me suspiciously.

"I'm the new Marine –"

"Ripley's right, man, don't play that bullshit here!" said Hudson. "That thing came right the fuck outta nowhere, right when you showed up!"

Just then Burke, who I knew to be a traitor with my psychic powers, came downstair and was yelling uproariously. "I heard gunshots, what –" then he stopped talking when he say how I had saved their lives with my powers and how the rest of the team was glaring at me, including my beloved Hicks, who was obviously being manipulated by that evil bitch-cunt Ripley!

"I think it's also just a _tad_ suspicious that the only one who recognized you was Corporal Hicks, who didn't even recognize you until you said he did," said aforementioned evil bitch-cunt.

"That's not right; I just came here to help you!" "I'm a marine!"

"Look, Aurelia, either you explain how you seem to know about a circumstance that had zero probability of ever occurring, or we'll be forced to assume you're a militant saboteur," said Bishop apologetically.

Burke waved his hands in the air to try and calm everyone down. "I know this was an unpleasant surprise, but we can't jump to conclusions here. There has to be a logical –"

"A logical solution for somethin' that makes absolutely no fuckin' sense at all?" "Sure, hombre, she can explain it to the bloodstained floor," spat Vasquez, aiming her plasma rifle at me, my shimmering, golden eyes, trying to calm to hysterical women as the situation quickly spiraled out of control. This was not how it was supposed to happen? What was going on?

Just then, something also unexpected happened. A hole opened up in the air, the air in the room becoming as heavy and charged with energy as a tiger in heat. I took this moment of distraction to try and calm them down with a blast of energy, knocking out Frost. Except then Drake turned around when he hit the fgloor.

"That bitch attacked us! It's her!" Then I got mad at them and started to advance on them because I _wasn;t _trying to sabotage the mission, simply warn them of things to come.

Crowe shouted "Run for it!" and he and Burke picked up Frost, and they ran the only way they could;' through the hole that wasn't supposed to happen.

Now, even with my vast intelligence granted to me by the Arcturians, I did not know what to do, because I wasn't allowed to leave this world. _Now what will I do? _I thought to my self, rubbing my smooth, sweatless forehead in frustration as Spunkmeyer, Wierzbowski, and Ferro came downstairs in great confusion

* * *

><p>"So that's her, is it? She doesn't look that threatening," said Rose, leaning over the Doctor's shoulder to see the giggling child from their cliff-top hiding place overlooking a shaded gulley to the west of Mauville.<p>

"That's her," said Misty, seething at the blue-haired (_Wait, blue? _she thought) menace, mentally willing the tree she was leaning gracefully against to fall on her. Though the group had skipped town, it hadn't been hard to track them down afterwards. All Misty had needed to do was follow the trail of adoring faces talking about that sweet new girl that had left their midst so soon. "You're saying she did this?"

"Well, seeing as how these holes began appearing around the time these people showed up… yeah, maybe," said the Doctor, not taking his eyes off Teri, who, along with Ash, was feeding berries to her Jolteon, which was now sporting a pair of white and yellow wings. Pikachu gazed at the trio, looking put out.

"Look at the others," said Cloud, gesturing towards Brock, Max, and May, "they've done nothing but stare at her the entire time we've been watching."

The Doctor slid down from the cliff, brushing off his suit upon landing. "Right. I say one of us goes down there and investigates."

"I should go," said Rose. The rest of them looked at her in surprise. "From what I've heard, she's got a thing for young guys. I should be safe."

"Unless she becomes hostile and decides she needs you out of the way," said Cloud, glancing at the Poké Ball Misty had been toying with for the past few minutes pointedly. "You two aren't trained in combat, as far I can tell. You don't move right. Misty and I both are, albeit in different ways, but neither Misty nor her Pokémon can get close enough. That leaves me."

"I'm not completely useless," said the Doctor. "I have this." With a small flourish, he produced the flashlight Misty had seen him waving around earlier.

"Doctor, I don't know if you know this or not, but you can't tase a Jolteon," said Misty, looking at the device doubtfully. "Actually, that would probably make things worse. It's an electric type."

"Well, _someone _has to go," said Rose. "It shouldn't even be this difficult. I walk up to her, say, 'Hello, any plans for rending space and time?' and leave!" And with that, she turned to walk down the steep hill preceding the side of the cliff, before being yanked roughly back by an irate Doctor.

"Look, everyone just _stay here_ until we get this worked out. Now, Misty would obviously be the best choice, but since that barrier seems to have a bit of a beef with her, that's out. So we either deal with possible brainwashing, or possible death. To be honest, I'm not sure which one's more desirable at this point. I've seen a number of people brainwashed, and they don't looked too thrilled, do they?"

"That's not the point," said Rose. "The point is that if she turned you against us, it'd be a thousand times worse. Think of the damage she could do with the TARDIS! Which might actually be gone, if that hole's closed up!"

"Um, guys," began Misty.

"Not now. The TARDIS is parked directly on the hole, which should prevent it from closing, so long as we don't move it. And Rose, there are holes being ripped in reality, and that little girl down there is the cause of it. You could be dead in an instant."

"Hey…."

"Hold on, sweetie. That's my point entirely! If she gets you, she could have you kill us all! One casualty is enough, and it probably won't even add up to one! She doesn't _look _very aggressive. On the other hand, you're the Oncoming Storm, and from what little I've seen, Cloud isn't exactly harmless either!" Rose frowned and looked around, noticing something. Or rather, a lack of something. "Where is he, anyway?"

"Hello! Thank you for noticing something_ I've been trying to tell you the entire time!_" shouted Misty, her fists balled up in anger. "He picked himself to go while you two were arguing like an old married couple!"

Rose looked nervous. The Doctor opened his mouth and closed it a few times before sighing in defeat. "Why does nobody ever seem to grasp the basic concept of _stay here_?"

* * *

><p>Cloud quietly made his way down the cliff face, feeling both relieved at being out of the Doctor's presence – <em>Any doctor that carries something like that around is obviously insane, <em>he thought spitefully – and guilty for leaving Misty, who seemed so far to be a nice enough kid, with a couple of strangers. Cloud trusted she could take care of herself, though. She had only used two of the strange balls he had seen earlier, and obviously had a few more lines of defense than the two he had briefly seen. At least Rose hadn't done anything overtly suspicious.

After successfully making his way down to the small gulley, he made his way through the trees as quietly as possible, pulling his hood back over his face for good measure. Glowing eyes, it seemed, tended to draw even more unwanted attention here than at home. The sword probably did nothing to help with his attempts at being covert as well, but there seemed to be a large enough majority of people who preferred wearing cloaks (and stranger things besides) here, so he had managed to pass mostly unnoticed.

He stopped about ten feet from the campsite, glancing back at the trio on the cliff, now barely visible. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak.

"HI HOW ARE YOU LAWL! ONE!" _Thud. _

Cloud groaned slightly under the sudden added weight of one hundred pounds of girl on his chest, feeling the hilt of his Fusion Swords digging uncomfortably into his back. His hood slipped off his face as his head hit the ground. The girl immediately began prattling away.

"I wass you coming here and then you were wearing black so u must be a bad guy and I chalnege you two a Pokémons battle one-thousand one-hundred eleven!"

Cloud extricated himself from the girl as gently as he could manage and stepped back in confusion. "I'm not a, erm, trainer," he said, climbing to his feet again. "I was actually wondering if you were planning on traveling to different places." He mentally slapped himself. _Nice. Way to be subtle, Cloud. She won't suspect a thing. _

He was further surprised when she _didn't. _"I em goin two be a Pokémons mastar and travel all over Honnen and my bee-eff Ash will suprot me!" she said beaming.

He frowned. At least this would be easy. "Nowhere else?"

"No, buhcz I will settel down wuh forwardslash my bee-eff Ash and we will hav lots of kids anf live in –" Cloud frowned at her next word "–Pacidgfiglogd!" Then she gasped and pointed at him theatrically. "Yoooooooooou! You are blond! You are maybe the evil sword man who has come to kill us all maybe!" She paused. "My Gardevoir reads mides and she says you have a sword so you are eeeeevil! Ash, we must slay the evil!" Ash continued nodding and smiling.

Cloud backpedaled, removing his cloak and hoping to put more distance between him and this girl before the fight broke out. "How did you –"

"NO! No talking, evil person who is blind and evil! Jolteon, use KILL EVERYTHING!"

Cloud barely managed to draw his sword in time to deflect the massive wave of energy that was sent his way by the winged Pokémon, shredding the leaves off the trees behind him. He fumbled with his materia and managed to cast a Wall before the second wave hit, but it flickered and died almost immediately afterwards. The winged Jolteon snarled and lunged at him, electricity crackling through its fur. Cloud batted it aside, where it hit a tree with a sickening crack before slumping to the ground. There was a sizable dent in the trunk.

Cloud stared at the small creature lying on the leaf-covered forest floor, feeling guilty for a fleeting moment that he had killed a girl's pet. Brock shouted something that vaguely sounded like "You bastard", but slightly more mangled.

The Jolteon sprung to its feet, snarling and bearing its teeth, and began preparing an even bigger energy wave, one of which Cloud knew the others were well within the blast radius.

Cloud turned and ran.

* * *

><p>Misty had spent the past ten minutes being grilled by the Doctor and Rose about Pokémon, a direct result of making the mistake of letting her Psyduck out to enjoy the nice weather. While Psyduck mostly ignored Rose (as usual), it didn't seem to like the Doctor either, and had promptly pelted him with a jet of water before turning tail and stumbling back over to Misty, blinking confusedly moments later. The Doctor had mostly asked about its Water Gun ability, and she had done her best to explain the processes that most children learned about in their fourth grade science classes and immediately forgot about afterwards. It hadn't been all bad, she supposed. Rose was very patient with her half-baked explanations, and the Doctor seemed nice enough, if not a little overeager. <em>It's a shame Cloud doesn't like him,<em> she thought.

She was interrupted midway through her slipshod attempt at explaining the basics of Team Rocket's crime syndicate when a deep, rumbling sound not unlike thunder was heard from the gulley. It was quickly followed by another, and there was a brief lull of silence, making the trio cautiously poke their heads over the ridge of their hiding place…

…to see Cloud barreling his way uphill with a panicked expression on his face. The Doctor and Rose knew that expression all too well. It was not an expression that left time for questions.

"RUN!" he shouted, leaping to his feet as Cloud made it to the top and came hurtling past them, grabbing Misty's arm and pulling her roughly along behind him, her feet barely keeping up with the swordsman's pace. There was an ominous buzz in the air, its low pitched hum making her teeth rattle in her skull. The four only ran for what couldn't have been more than ten seconds before Cloud shoved them all behind a small group of rocks. He flung out a hand, creating a bluish, translucent shield, then ducked behind the rocks himself.

"Brace yourselves," he shouted as the buzzing grew to a crescendo.

Misty opened her mouth to ask what for, and found the words shoved forcibly down her throat as a huge shockwave ripped through the terrain, shattering the barrier and clawing at their faces. A chunk of debris smashed into the back of Misty's head, and she blacked out.

* * *

><p>Lol dis 1 is an sction chapt so expolsins!<p>

after i blowed up the evil blond sord guy I turned to my friends and ash who i was protect with my power of lov!11111111

"they migy have survive " Brock sed with anger

"OMG UR RIGHT I WAS THINKING DA SAME THING!111" i sad sexily thrusting my relly big bobs then i giggled and made to go schase the evil ppls who wanted to separate our love!1

I walked up and went and found them and they were yelling at the evil guy going WTF and the blond guy was picking up GAPS that bich Mitsy and was look sad bcuz she was alseeping "U EVIL PERSON WITH THAT BICH MISTY MUST DIE I SAID RUNNING UP AND THEN THAT BITCH MISTY BOUNCED UP OFF A WALL AND went flying and then teh evil blon buy cot her by running and catch her and then they sed mor stuff and then they raned away relly fast ad Teri chasd them to catc them os they wouldn be evil 2 othor ppl!11 FUCK U I SED AND GARDEVOIR AND JUPER JOLTON CHASD AFTER THEM BCUZ THEY R HELPING TERI !111 we kept run ning and then we lost them and found them a lot and then we went thru movil and they went to run to rout 111!1 then they got away but wer still run so i let them gfet away bcuz I am merciful\

AN: STIP FLAMINIG ME U STUPD PPL FUK U!11111111111

* * *

><p>Misty awoke to movement and a colossal pain in her arm. At first she figured she must be on the ferry with Ash back to Cerulean. Then she remembered the past… how long had it been? Two weeks? Three? No, it was two weeks plus the strangest day she'd ever had in her life. Then she recalled the past hour and bolted upright.<p>

Or, as upright as being carried by Cloud permitted, as she noted with some surprise; he was running along with the Doctor and Rose, and he didn't seem to notice the fact that she was awake as they went tearing through their surroundings, which had morphed from a wooded gulley to the rocky plains preceding the deserts of Route 111.

She tapped Cloud on the shoulder, immediately groaning after she did so; her left arm was covered in a nasty burn, the flesh blistered and angry looking. He glanced at her in concern, but kept running, not bothering to set her down. Not that she was complaining. Her head felt about half as bad as her arm looked.

"What are we running from?" she asked.

Rose heard her and answered, not bothering to turn her head. "Teri… started chasing… we think she stopped… not taking chances…." she choked out.

"You were only out for seven minutes and thirteen seconds, if it makes you feel better," said the Doctor, sounding about as winded as Rose. "Now that you've come around, why don't we… take a break," he sputtered.

The group stumbled to a stop, and Rose doubled over before collapsing unceremoniously on a nearby rock. Cloud set Misty down, and she was immediately assaulted by the Doctor waving his funny blue flashlight in her face. Cloud moved towards him when he noticed, but the Doctor finished and backed off before Cloud got the chance to express his displeasure.

"Well, I am happy to say that you are sporting one very nasty second degree burn and zero concussions! Well, not about the burn part, but no concussions are always good, right?" said the Doctor, beaming at her.

"Where'd I get the burn?" asked Misty.

"That girl, Teri, came charging towards us, and you smacked up against the barrier on your left side and went flying," explained Rose, having finally caught her breath. "We've been running the whole time since."

Misty rolled her eyes, and then jumped as Cloud grabbed her wrist.

"I think I could try to fix that," he said in response to her pained glare. He closed his eyes and went still for a moment, and Misty felt an odd cooling sensation spread from his hand through her arm. Her eyes widened as she saw the burnt skin regrowing and covering the bloodied area, leaving a reddened, burnt, but not-quite-as-painful-and-prone-to-infection area covering the length of her arm. He let go of her and opened his eyes.

"I'm not very good at this," he explained apologetically. Misty simply stared at him, before registering that he had just fixed her arm.

"Thank you," she said, still slightly confused.

The Doctor wandered over and stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "How do you keep doing that?"

Cloud gazed at him a moment before reluctantly beginning another explanation. "Magic."

The Doctor frowned. "No, really. I'd like to know, if it's not too much trouble."

"That's the technical term for it," said Cloud. Misty noticed he was refusing to address the Doctor directly, instead opting to look at Rose and Misty. "You'd have to ask an expert for a better explanation, but it's partially due to these," he said, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a handful of colorful orbs. "Materia. They work sort of like a computer or a car. Everything's got an energy current running through it, so…" he scratched the back of his head absentmindedly, placing them back in his pocket. "I guess whatever the energy source is… it interacts with the materia and produces the effects you saw. If you have time use them properly, you get things like that Wall, and your arm," he said, nodding to Misty.

"If you've mastered the instructions, though, and you've gotten used to the process, you can make your own version of whatever the spell was. It's different for everyone," he said, holding out his hand, which now held a handful of the greenish-blue flames from before.

"That's pretty much how materia works. There have only been two materias in existence so far that have required the use of a life source besides one's own," he said, a wry smile crossing his face for a fleeting moment.

Misty nodded, although it hadn't made a lick of sense to her, and opened up her backpack with her right hand, pulling out some of the emergency bandages she'd taken to carrying since she met Ash. After enlisting Rose's help in wrapping her arm, she put her hands on her hips and addressed the group. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if I really _can't _ever meet anyone normally."

Cue twelve people tumbling out of a hole that had just appeared ten feet above them.

* * *

><p>Ellen Ripley had always been a firm believer in the concept of not tempting fate. The instant you said "things couldn't possibly get any worse" or something of the like, Fate would happily prove you wrong like the manipulative whore she was by dropping something else into your daily Shit-To-Deal-With Inbox; like a flat tire, or a pink slip, or a parasitic xenomorphic alien biologically perfected to grant death <em>en masse<em>.

So when she found herself quite suddenly not aboard the _Sulaco, _but instead sprawled on top of a sputtering blonde woman, she wondered what she had said that morning to coax these events into reality.

Then Hudson voiced what they were all thinking. "What the fuck?"

"Well, this is certainly new!" said a voice she didn't recognize. She rolled off the blonde woman, muttering a brief apology, and glanced at the source, a chipper man buried beneath Lieutenant Gorman.

Sergeant Apone, to his credit, wasted no time in getting everyone to regroup. "Crowe, how's Frost doing?" A man with a ridiculously large sword on his back that had previously been buried under Vasquez and Dietrich shoved them both off unceremoniously and leapt to his feet, but calmed down after glancing around the disoriented group.

"He's breathing, and he doesn't seem concussed, but he's not waking up, either," said Crowe.

Dietrich glowered at the hole above them, ignoring Hudson's hurricane of profanities. "When I get my hands on that glittery bitch, I'm going to –"

"Whoa, wait a minute!" piped a small redheaded girl that had just managed to crawl out from underneath Bishop. She bounded up to Dietrich and looked at her curiously. "What's this about a glittery bitch?"

Ripley looked at her suspiciously. "Why? Do you know her? I mean, actually know her, and not whatever weird mind-voodoo she used on Hicks?"

The redhead sighed. "Well, I do now. Guess what, Cloud?" she said, turning to her companion.

Cloud, the jittery man, groaned and shut his eyes in frustration. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't expecting another one, but that doesn't make it suck any less."

_Another one? _thought Ripley. "Just who are you people? And where are we?"

The cheerful man waved towards Ripley. "I'll take the first question. That's Cloud Strife, that's Rose Tyler, that's Misty Yawa," said the man, pointing a finger at each person respectively, "and I'm the Doctor."

"You're on Route 111," said Misty. "And if you're asking where it is, it's probably a _long _way away from wherever you are."

Ripley blinked. "What…?"

"If you want a condensed version, different realities are having holes poked in them, most likely due to the aforementioned glittery bitch's efforts," said Rose. "You're in another world right now." There was a hissing noise, and the hole above them shrank and disappeared with a small pop. "Oh, by the way, you just lost your path home."

"Actually, I've been meaning to mention this," said the blond man, Cloud. "I asked her, and she didn't appear to have any knowledge of it."

"Well, that still doesn't change the fact that wherever those things have been popping up, these holes have been appearing as well," said the Doctor.

Ripley's brow creased. As bewildering as this all was, it was starting to make sense in a roundabout sort of way.

"Assuming these things aren't people, I suppose you had one as well?" asked Bishop.

"Who, Rose and me? Nah, it's part of our job to look for this kind of thing. We actively looked for a hole, and we found one that led here," said the Doctor.

"What, like some amateur neighborhood watch?" asked Dietrich.

"Well, yes, essentially. Just on a slightly larger scale," said the Doctor.

"I'd show you my personal glitterbitch, but we just finished running for our lives from her just a moment ago, so I guess you'll just have to take our word for it," said Misty. "You might as well come with us. We all have the same problem now, and it'll be nice to have some backup, right? Who's in charge of you people?"

"That'd be me," said Gorman. Ripley failed to miss the marines rolling their eyes. "While saboteurs are a priority, we were in the middle of a mission…."

"Which you can no longer get back to, on account of Little Miss Perfect having sent you here," said Misty bluntly.

"Until we fix this problem, you're stuck here anyway," said Ripley.

Burke looked up from Frost, who had just woken up, and shrugged at Gorman. "She's right. The sooner we can take care of that saboteur, the sooner we can get to the colony."

The Lieutenant sighed. "Sure. Permission granted."

Misty grinned. "Great! Welcome to the team… that is, if everyone else is okay with this?" she said, glancing around at the others hopefully.

There was a general mutter of consent coming from everyone present, ranging from enthusiasm (the Doctor) to disinterest (Frost) from everyone present.

"I think there's another hole up ahead," said Cloud suddenly.

Apone nodded. "Frost, can you walk?"

"Yeah."

Cloud removed a wadded up cloak from his pocket and draped it over himself. "Let's get going, then."

* * *

><p>There was something distinctly different about this hole, Misty noted. While the ones that had been across the TARDIS and ten feet above them had left an impression of heaviness, the air around this hole seemed dry and thin, which was no small feat, considering they were by a desert.<p>

The Doctor waved his "screwdriver", he had called it, in front of the hole and declared that it would be stable for another three to four hours. With this announcement, the odd soldiers readied their guns and proceeded through the hole, followed by the Doctor, Ripley, Burke, and Rose, With Misty and Cloud bringing up the rear. Upon reaching the other side, Misty stopped and stared in shock.

For one thing, the landscape was a dull, empty gray, with the sky equally colorless. The entire place was in ruins, with small flames consuming what was left of the buildings being the only color to grace the bleak landscape. Voices hissed through the air like angry misdreavuses, too indistinct to properly make out what was being said; Misty wasn't sure she wanted to know what they were saying, as they gave off the distinct impression of hostility.

But the one thing that made Misty halt in her tracks was standing in front of her, and it wasn't Cloud. In fact it looked a lot like…

"…May?"

The brunette turned in shock before her face broke into the widest grin Misty had ever seen. She didn't have time to ask anything else, however, before she was buried by May in a bone-crushing hug.

* * *

><p><strong>More notes: <strong>God, I am _so _sorry this took so long to get out. I've had a lot to get through, recently, with school starting, so I hope you aren't disappointed.

Please remember to tell me how I'm doing! Gushing and reviews are nice, but my house is freezing cold, so flames are okay too!


	5. Chapter 5: Contact

**Author's Notes: **Oh boy, perspective shifts and flashbacks! Because you didn't have enough to begin with!

Sorry this took so long to get out. They switched my father's work hours around, meaning I get next to no computer time. Then, right when I think I'm going to finally get something done, our house gets a gas leak, and the furnace catches fire, forcing me to leave the house. Then a new quarter of school started. Then they switched my dad's work back, which is why this chapter is out now, as opposed to two months from now.

**little miss piplup: **Thanks for the lighter! I think I might have set the rug on fire, but it's all good, right?

**fairybone0102: **Thanks for your thoughts. Any form of criticism – constructive or otherwise – is greatly appreciated. You keep on rockin', too!

_(Piano starts.) _

_Can't anybody find meeeee… somebody to betaaaaaaaa! I type hard (she types hard) every day of the week – I type till I ache my bones! At the end, I have nobody checking for quality – I do it allllll on my own! _(*bricked again*)

**Disclaimer: **All content apart from the Mary Sues/Marty Stus is copyrighted to its original owners. Feel free to steal the Sues. I'd _love _to be able to deny my involvement with their creation. I also don't own… well, you'll see who. And there's no way in hell I'd ever claim to own her, either. -_-

* * *

><p>The city of Edge was not by nature a quiet one. If one were to listen to the humdrum of the growing settlement, one would hear several distinct sounds. Among the more mundane ones were the clash of steel plates being erected (as Edge seemed to be in a permanent state of construction, for one reason or another); the shrieks of children climbing around forts made of rubble; the murmur of pedestrians as they talked on cell phones or to one another; or the occasional hum of whatever decrepit pick-up truck was chugging its way down the debris-filled streets. Some of the more exotic sounds unique to Edge were the occasional creak or groan, followed a few moments later by a loud crash as yet another piece of the (recently made) ruins of Midgar crumbled or broke off from the effects of nature and the Advent and tumbled into what was left of the ruined metropolis below; the dull <em>phwump <em>of flames, created by materia, being used to weld aforementioned steel plates together; or, at around five o'clock, the electronic warbling of scanners, coming from just outside the ruins, as the WRO conducting their regular atmospheric Lifestream concentration tests. To the citizens of Edge, these sounds were daily occurrences, and all of them, both the usual and the unusual, were considered the norm.

So it was quite a surprise to everyone in the vicinity when a new sound cut through the everyday mix, echoing an entire block away from its source, the Seventh Heaven Bar.

"CLOUD MORGAN STRIFE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU _DOING_?"

Tifa Lockhart had been, in her humble opinion, _more _than patient thus far. When Cloud had snapped, she had done her best to bandage the cuts that appeared oh-so-mysteriously on his arms every night, sitting by his side with a cure materia to prevent him from bleeding out completely. She had comforted him every night that he had cried himself to sleep, right up until Cloud had said that he preferred Frost's company over hers. She had even attempted to rally Marlene and Denzel into helping cheer him up, like the responsibility-ducking bitch she was. She was rather disappointed that Cloud did not return her affections, but she was at least glad that he had found something that cheered him up. Gods knew he needed it, and it was important that Cloud and Frost were happy together. Especially Frost.

Tifa blinked at her train of thought. That wasn't right. _Cloud,_ she corrected herself, _especially Cloud._

But this… this not only crossed the line, it trampled right over it, turned around, and spat on its corpse.

Cloud was sitting on the floor of his office with Frost's hand draped over his shoulder supportively, a box on the floor filled with what few clothes he had and nothing else. What drew Tifa's attention, however, was the burning photograph on the floor, the one taken shortly after the Advent of the members of Avalanche, Denzel, and Marlene. It lay gently smoldering, leaving a fine layer of ash on the floor. Cloud looked up from gazing into Frost's eyes lustfully and turned his attention to Tifa, his eyes reproachful.

"I'm leaving you cruel, senseless bastards and living with Frost," he spat. "You never understood me. You never tried to understand me either. You just wanted me to up and forget about my past, like it never happened! Sometimes, I wish it had been you instead of Aerith that died at the Forgotten Capital!" He leaned his head in against the crook of Frost's neck, who stroked his hair comfortingly.

Tifa stood in the doorway, gawking at his sudden hostility. _He's right. I never made the effort. After all, wasn't it Frost who helped him through his geostigma? I'm so stupid; I should have never assumed I knew what he was thinking about. I have no experience with depression and PTSD, after all, _she thought. _I'm sure I could never understand him. All this time, I've been so shallow. Only Frost could ever aspire to help someone as fragile as Cloud come to terms with his past. But I could have sworn I tried, that he was getting better…. No, I must not have. If I did, he wouldn't have tried to kill himself. Oh, Cloud, Frost, I'm so sorry._

All the while, Frost sat by a now sobbing Cloud, smiling benignly. "Tifa, I know what's best for Cloud. You should just step aside and let me help him through his past. Zack and Aerith can help," he said. "Cloud utterly failed to save them, so he needs their forgiveness, as well."

Tifa nodded. Of course. It seemed like such a good idea, to let Cloud face the selfish mistakes of his past.

"Tifa… I want to be forgiven for my sins. Frost has given me a chance to. Can't you see why I need to leave?" he whimpered, Frost wiping away some of his tears.

Tifa nodded again. Of course she did. Frost was so helpful, after all.

She politely stepped aside, whispering one last apology to Cloud as he passed her, the photo now completely reduced to ashes.

Frost led Cloud out of the Seventh Heaven, where Zack and Aerith were waiting outside. Frost swept Cloud into a deep kiss, his tongue poking its way into his mouth. Cloud giggled in response after they parted, along with Aerith, who happily decreed that they made an "adorable couple".

"It's going to be okay from now on, Cloud, I promise," said Frost. Cloud managed a small smile, looking away shyly.

"I can't thank you enough," said Cloud. "I felt like I was falling into an abyss. But you saved me with your love."

"I promise I'll never leave you," said Frost. "Come on. Just forget about the people that hurt you… how Tifa and Barret and Cid broke your heart and tossed it to the side like a plaything, how they used you to fight their wars."

Cloud's eyes teared up, and a single shining pearl slid down his cheek. "They… they never really cared about me, did they?" Frost shook his head sadly.

"Think about it, Cloud… we'll be together forever, you and I. We could even have kids!"

Cloud giggled. "I'd like that."

Frost clasped Cloud's delicate hands in his own, gazing into his baby blue eyes. Cloud still looked a bit melancholy, and so did Frost.

"So would I."

* * *

><p>Misty skipped over yet another piece of rubble strewn about the endless wastelands. "So, how long exactly have you been following me?"<p>

"Ever since you left. Every now and then I'd pop back to check on Ash, but I mostly stuck with you. I care about them a whole lot, but it physically hurt my ears to hear them talk after a while," said May with a grimace. "You scared me half to death when you ran off with him, you know." She kicked at a broken cinder block halfheartedly, shooting a wary glance at Cloud.

"Sorry. I felt kind of out of options, though," said Misty. She winced. "Hey, now that I can see you, maybe you can still get to Slateport in time to register for that contest!"

May shook her head. "I don't think that'll work. If he could've gone back after stopping by here, don't you think he would have?"

"I guess you're right. That stinks," said Misty. May shrugged despondently and wandered off to check on her Beautifly, which was coasting above their heads as an emergency lookout.

Three of the marines were muttering to one another, shooting nervous glances over their shoulder. Misty slowly drifted behind them until she could make out what they were saying.

"...should have stayed on the ship. At least we knew the territory there," the stocky woman - Vasquez, if Misty recalled correctly from the hasty introduction- muttered. "We coulda blown that bitch's head off."

"She could have a thousand of those things stashed away on the ship, just waiting for us," whispered the taller blond man, Drake.

"Yeah, well, she could have a couple thousand stashed here, too. Or she could have a shitload of flunkies, just waitin' for us to turn our backs," said the third, Hudson. "We don't know where the fuck we are, we don't know shit! The Lieutenant just _agreed! _Any one of 'em could be working with those bugs." He lowered his voice even further, and leaned in closer to his comrades. "And that guy with the sword, man -" he gestured to Cloud, who was walking a good twenty feet away. "You seen his eyes? They're just like Anna's, or whatever. Only creepier. Like _Village of the Damned_, or some shit."

"I hear ya, man," muttered Drake. "You really think he's one of 'em?"

"He's got a point," whispered Vasquez. "There's somethin' wrong about him. Especially those eyes."

Misty frowned and continued to scan the wastelands for signs of life. She did _not _want to think of Cloud as a traitor. He had been the first person to reach out and help her with her friends, and he had been very polite, if not a bit blunt. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Ash or Brock would act like if they were planning to betray her, and utterly failed. They would never do something like that. Cloud wouldn't either, would he? He hadn't lied about that mako stuff, he wouldn't, because... because...

_You don't know _anything_ about him, _she realized. _You don't know anything about your new friend. _Is _he a friend? Does he think you're his friend, too? Yeah, he has to, because... _

Her face fell yet again as she struggled with an answer. Had she ever been betrayed before? She couldn't remember.

She kept listening to their conversation in a kind of morbid fascination, although not as closely. She caught snippets like "while we're asleep", "Lieutenant", and, to her fury, "freak". She was about to rush over and give them a piece of her mind, but Cloud got there first.

If she wasn't so mad about the things they had said about her friend - _maybe-friend, _she reminded herself - she would have started giggling at the stantler-in-headlights expressions that crossed the marines' faces when they saw Cloud standing in front them with his face completely devoid of expression.

"I heard your entire conversation. If you're going to accuse me of things, I would appreciate it if you were more direct about them," he said calmly to the trio. They glared at him, and Hudson was the first to speak up.

"That's just more proof then, right? You heard us from all the way over there?" he crowed. His eyes were focused over Cloud's shoulder, not wanting to see the pair of mako eyes looking at him with _guilt, _of all things. Misty's stomach clenched.

"I'm sorry if I don't appear to be trustworthy right now, and I will do my best to put your minds at ease when the opportunity presents itself. However," he continued, "as I already told Misty, if I had wanted you all dead, don't you think I would have killed you by now?" That being said, he walked off and continued his survey.

Hudson and Vasquez looked placated, the former slightly embarrassed, but Drake was glaring daggers at Cloud's back as though it were in the process of kicking puppies and burning down orphanages full of cancer patients. He adjusted his gun against his waist and trudged on.

"Odd kind of guy, isn't he?" said Burke to Dietrich, who had both watched the exchange with slightly alarmed expressions.

* * *

><p>Cloud trudged on quietly a few yards behind Ripley, taking pains to make sure his expressionless mask was in place. <em>Not even a day in, and you've already disappointed someone, <em>he thought. He glanced back at Misty quickly, who was scrutinizing the remains of what might have been a vast marble bank for signs of movement. The burn that he failed to heal was yet another reminder of a bigger problem he hadn't been able to help her with. _She really has it worse than I do. At least Frost hasn't tried to kill me. Tifa... she must be going crazy. The other me's probably doing everything I promised not to. I wonder if he's started running again. Maybe Frost is just doing this to see her squirm. _

"Over here! Found someone!" came a shout from Apone.

The someone in question, as Cloud discovered as he watched Misty lean in, was undoubtedly one of _them. _Her eyes were a piercing silvery blue, her hair was an inky black with red streaks, and her skin was deathly pale, but somehow still healthy looking. In fact, the girl was practically spotless; the only indicator of her ill health was the fact that she was breathing heavily, as though she had run a marathon. She glowered at them fiercely despite her legs being buried (and most likely crushed) beneath rubble, and Cloud fought the urge to yank Misty towards him by the back of her shirt and herd everyone away from the girl entrapped in the remains of a stone wall. Pinned she may have been, but there was still the realization that hit him every other second that she was _right there, _just a few feet away from them all.

The Doctor clambered over to her, then knelt down and frowned at her. "Are you o—?"

"Fuck you, prep! One!"

The Doctor waved a hand at Vasquez, who had immediately cocked her assault rifle and pointed it at the girl, and raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry?"

"Fuck you... no flames... nobody here..." she babbled. She seemed to have exhausted herself with the first outburst. "I said... no flames... closed holes... fuck you..." Her head rolled to the side and she passed out, completely spent.

Burke blinked. "Well, _that_ made no sense."

"Of course it did! Well, at least, it did to someone who's completely brilliant, like me. Let's think for a moment. What did she say?"

"Something about flames?" said Rose. "So she tried to burn this place down."

The Doctor held up a finger. "Close. This place did burn, obviously, but I don't think she was the one burning it. At least, not intentionally. 'Flames closing holes'. I suppose the flames could be some sort of leaked gamma radiation, but for them to destroy an entire world..."

"Maybe they didn't. Maybe the holes did," said Cloud uneasily. Gamma radiation, however theoretical, sounded unpleasant, and the hole he had come through had been right next to the bar. There was a brief period of silence as everyone though, the only sounds gracing their ears being the hiss of the malevolent voices, the flapping sound of Cloud's cloak, and the crackling of buildings burning.

"Hey, I hate to disrupt the class here, but didn't you say we had a time limit for this?" said Hudson, glancing nervously over his shoulder. "I don't want to get stranded in this shithole."

"What about her?" said Misty, gesturing towards the girl pinned in the rubble.

"What _about _her?" said Vasquez. "So she's been workin' for glitterbitch? I say we leave her here for the maggots."

"Wha – you're not gonna just _abandon _her here, are you?" exclaimed Rose.

Vasquez returned a glare in the pinned girl's direction that far outstripped the one the latter had been giving the party earlier. "Watch me, Barbie."

"You can't just –" began the Doctor.

"We can't take her with us, either. She'd be a liability," cut in Burke uncomfortably. "In most circumstances, taking something highly destructive along like that would prove fatal in the long run for everyone involved."

Cloud regarded the girl with detached interest before stepping in between the Doctor, Rose, and Misty. He removed his cloak and let it fall to the ground, and brought his sword out from behind his back. He quickly judged the height, and then brought his sword through the top of the stone block in one blow, slicing it horizontally. Having decreased the amount of rubble he would have to lift, he shoved the block off the girl with a grunt. She did not wake the whole time. He retrieved his cloak.

He turned to find a mass of marines training their guns on him, and Misty, the Doctor, and Rose staring at him perplexedly. He slowly brought his hands up.

"In my experience," said Cloud, "people are less likely to kill you if you help them out a bit." _Although they might loiter around your bar, throw up all over the floorboards, and drag the more obnoxious of the two out the door after he makes a pass at the bartender_.

"He's lying!" shouted Dietrich. "He's one of those things! He helped her! There's no way he could have lifted that thing off of her without doing that shit she did to Frost!"

Cloud frowned at him. "Jumping to conclusions gets people hurt."

The marines ignored him, and he tensed for a fight at the unmistakable rattle of several rifles being cocked at once. The Doctor, Rose, and Misty all opened their mouths to protest, but they were cut off by a shout.

"Stand down!"

The marines tuned to stare incredulously at Sergeant Apone, who was nevertheless watching Cloud warily. "Why don't we ask the guy we've known for all of three hours a few questions before we blow his head off?" Cloud stared at the man incredulously. Why risk the respect of his men just to avoid killing someone like him, someone they had every right to be suspicious of?

Apone appeared not to notice. "Let's head back while we're at it." The marines grumbled, but accepted the word of their sergeant and turned around, their weapons still out.

"I'll start." Cloud smiled inwardly at the phrase once again being dragged out. "Are you human?"

Cloud's heart migrated to somewhere around his knees, and he rubbed the back of his head nervously. Misty and the Doctor tagged along behind him, eager for an answer, and Cloud heaved a small sigh. _Of course, he immediately picks the question with the most complicated and potentially incriminating answer. _

He _definitely _did not want the Doctor listening to this conversation. This particular issue had never been a problem before among his friends. He took a deep breath through his nose and tried to imagine Cid or Barret scrutinizing him instead. When Apone still looked like Apone after a moment, he tried a different tactic. Remembering the brief hysteria over the discovery of Jenova cells being used on human beings, he figured he should attempt to emulate Reeve's reassurance of the general populace that Cloud was not going to snap and burn down Edge. _Calm, collected, and above criticism. _

"…Sort of." _Damn it, Cloud! _

Apone raised an eyebrow. "So, you _are_ –?"

"No," said Cloud. "I'm… I'm a human that's been exposed to large amounts of mako and infused with the genetic legacy of an organism called Jenova." _And now I sound like Hojo. This day keeps getting better and better._ He glanced back and Misty quickly, who caught his eye. "You were wondering why your pet didn't like my scent?" Misty nodded. "It could smell I was contaminated by something that shouldn't exist. That's not the first time it's happened, either." Misty's eyebrows shot up momentarily, and she nodded and wandered off to chat with Ripley and May, the latter of which were already in an animated conversation.

"And that lets you cut through solid limestone like it's Styrofoam?" asked Apone skeptically.

"Among other things." He tried to make his face as blank as possible, hoping that perhaps that would dissuade Apone from pursuing the subject.

Apparently Apone was well versed in the subtle art of Cloudese (as Tifa had jokingly coined it one day), because he nodded and went back to the main point of interrogation. "Have you previously met any of my men, the Lieutenant I am currently serving under, or the civilians we were in the process of escorting?"

"No."

And so it went. About fifteen minutes later, as they finally located the hole, Cloud had learned three things. One, Apone was every bit as pushy as his old drill sergeant. Two, the Lieutenant in charge of the marines hadn't spoken a word to him, and had refused to meet his eye, glancing away nervously. Cloud mentally filed this information away, glancing at Gorman distrustfully. And third, the marines were all undyingly loyal to their sergeant. This threw Cloud for a loop quite a bit, recalling the loose – if not altogether nonexistent – personal ties he had with everyone in his division. Well, everyone except Zack. As personable as he had been, Shinra in general didn't make much of an effort to stress companionship. Perhaps that was why Sephiroth had lost it. _All work and no play makes Sephiroth go on a murdering spree, or something along those lines_, he mused.

On the other hand, since his interrogation, Burke had been staring at him quite unabashedly. Cloud didn't like that look at all. It was the same look that the Doctor and Hojo had, that eagerness to examine everything in a twenty foot radius within an inch of its life. He resolved to talk to Burke later.

They went out through the hole one at a time, with Dietrich at the front and Misty bringing up the rear. Noticing the fact that the people in front of him seemed to drop out of sight, he assumed it must have moved up about a meter or so. Glancing about the ruined landscape one last time, he clambered through the hole.

* * *

><p>Misty watched Cloud disappear through the hole in front of her and followed quickly, not wanting to be left behind. Stepping through and not finding a foothold anywhere, she frowned but continued through…<p>

…and, after a sickening lurch as she fell through the air, landed on Bishop. The solemn man responded in part with a grunt of discomfort.

She giggled. "Turnabout is fair play." Then she saw everyone staring at some spot behind her, and heard the rushing of water, and whirled around.

_Uh-oh. _

They were no longer south of the desert at Route 111, and May had once again disappeared. They had landed on the cliff nearby Teri's camp.

Teri was standing over them with her hands on her hips, glowering at them all. Misty flinched in anticipation, expecting to have that invisible barrier pressing into her like a brand, scorching her skin… but nothing came. She opened her eyes. Teri was still standing about three meters away.

"I ned to talk to yous," she said.

Nobody dared move.

"I I need to tak to that bitch Mitsy because yooooouuu taked to him!"

"I… took him?"

"NO! Eleven. You taked to him and he is mad at me bcuz now he wont make out wuh forwardslash me!"

Ripley decided to step forward. "Honey, maybe if you tell us what's wrong, we can help you. Explain it to us in words."

Teri sniffed, as thought she had been crying. "He – he's mad at me bcuz you all came here and you're staking us! One!"

"Staking? What do you mean?"

The girl paused for a moment, opening her purple eyes. "Stalking. You were stalking."

"I was _not_ stalking you! I'm worried about my friends because they started talking funny and _you _were keeping me away from them! _I _should be suspicious of _you!_ Nobody normal looks like that!" shouted Misty angrily.

"Well, you're a bitch. They might not have want to be around you!"

"Hey, Teri my love where are you I am lonely!" shouted a voice from behind the hill.

Misty blinked. Ash, Brock, Max, and May were all trudging up the hill, still looking blank and dazed. Taking advantage of the absence of the barrier, Misty flung herself towards them before they crested the top, latching onto Ash and encompassing him in a rib-crushing hug. When Ash started to shout at her for touching him, she just tightened her grip, making sure she never let go, _never, ever ever again. _

Teri, having been caught off guard, stared in shock. "But that's not _fair!_ You can't touch him! Ash is miiine! And so are his friends!"

Ripley put her hands on her hips as she watched Ash now pounding Misty's back with his fists. Teri hung her head. "If you wanted to make friends, you should talk to them. Maybe if you got to know them…" she paused, before inspiration lit up her face, and she continued. "If you got to know them like we do, the flames wouldn't bother you."

She looked up. "Wha–?"

"Do you know why they're here?"

She fidgeted. "They say I should go away forever. They say I took over everything, and I'm bad at talking. This is hard, right now. I'm not good at it."

"You can't make people be your friends, sweetie. Is that what you did to Misty's friends?"

"…Yes."

"Can you let them go? Maybe if you try to make friends with him, he won't want to leave."

Teri stood motionless for a moment. Then there was a surprised yelp from behind her.

"Wha – Misty – leggo – I can't breathe!"

Misty froze. She let go of Ash and looked at him. He stared back good-naturedly, his eyebrows raised in confusion.

"Uh, I appreciate the hug, Misty, but why are you – gak!" Misty immediately threw herself at him again, this time hugging him tightly enough to make him wheeze.

Brock walked over and frowned. "…I think you're suffocating him. Relax a litt – oomph!" As he walked over to pry Misty away from the confused boy, she latched onto Brock and hugged him as tightly as she had Ash. She then rushed over to Max, who was still looking around at the trees with a beleaguered expression, and threw her arms around him as well.

Misty heard a hissing noise and turned to see the other May dissolving into a cloud of white smoke. It then swept over to the left of Hicks, as though blown there by some intangible wind, and reformed once again into the shape of a familiar brunette. May and Misty both turned back to Teri, their eyes wide. She was still standing there, looking slightly exhausted, but pleased nonetheless.

"That was hard. But everyone seems happier dis way," she said. She looked back to Ash and Brock, who were now bombarding Misty with questions. "…But I'm not special enough…."

"If you make people around you happy enough, you don't need to be," said Ripley sternly. "Can you do that?"

The girl fidgeted. She looked around at the ragtag group around her; at Misty glaring daggers at her; at Ash, looking politely perplexed, not wanting to hate anyone right off the bat; at Brock and the man in the vest and painter shirt, who were completely beleaguered; at May, who wasn't as stupid as she had first though; at the group of scary grown-ups with their guns, who regarded her as one might a wounded, cornered animal; at the man with the sword, the man in the suit, and the blonde woman, whose eyes flickered between her and that bi – _just Misty,_ she reminded herself – nervously.

Then she looked at the nice lady who had decided to help her make the flames go away, and she opened her mouth to speak.

_KRRRACK. _

The air before them rent, and a moment later a massive shockwave threw them all backwards. There was an ear-splitting shriek, the rattle of gunfire as someone's weapon discharged in the chaos, and then stillness.

Misty and May felt their way over to Ash and Brock, the latter of who was now swearing up a storm. Misty couldn't see anything. The dust still permeated the air like a curtain, making her cough. Whilst finding her feet, her hand landed on someone's arm.

Someone's arm that sported an ornate charm bracelet.

Squinting, she looked closer, and she gasped, hacking once again as she took in a lungful of the dusty air.

Teri Aspen Brooke Skye Tsaur lay motionless on the ground, her eyes staring straight ahead blankly. Cautiously, Misty prodded her arm. Teri did not move.

Then, she seemed to blur, her edges becoming less defined, and she, her clothes, and her Pokémon melted away into a silvery-grayish mist. The whole process took less than a minute, and the only thing left to show for her existence was a charm bracelet lying in the dirt, and a hollowed out place in the earth where a body might have lain.

* * *

><p>I paused for a moment to catch my breath. Those feings! They thought they could take my one and only true love of fate and destiny away from me! After using my psychic powers granted to me from the Arcturians, I looked around as the dust cleared. That girl that was like me and also super special ad trying to take away my precious Hicks was now dead, which is good becaseu she was getting in the way of true love and that hmakes hger PURE EVIL! Also, the youngling with the red hairs was looking at the disappeared love-stealer like a tiger in heat… or something… SHUT UP I AM THE AUTHORE I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT<p>

I instantly knew with my catlike instincts that Hicks was looking at me with lustful horror, and Ripley was being a bitch and also a cu –

"What the fuck are you doing here?" screamed the hysterical woman Vasquez. Obviously she wanted Hicks for herself as well. I ignored her. And used my. superior intelligence . to think!

_That love stealer might decide to manifest in a new form any minuet now! I must do the only logical thing and keep Hicks safe, since as a marine trained to combat killer aliens, he is helpless without me! Oh, ill be in so much devious trouble when _

Using my modest superior skills I subconsciously rushed over to Hicks and grabed him arm and made my escape. I silently prayed a meaningful prayer of spirituality to the mysterious voice that told me to sally forth and claim my love, because he knew that I would be forgiven for this unforgivable breaking of the rulesity. Hicks's weapon accidentally discharged, but I dodged the rounds and tossed it away, so as to rid him of the soul crushing burden of it…and at the same time, rid him of the lust reaping horrors of wars, sanguine drops spilling upon the earth as he must have fough valiantly. I looked deep into his eyes with my own, and he coughed in surprise at their golden, radiant beauty, accidentally spraying his manly spittle into my eyes.

EMBED PBrush

I tripped in surprise like a tiger in heat and with my superior strength we both fell off the cliff. IN A FLASH, MY DARLING BELOVED WAS TORN AWAY FROM ME BY THE RIVER WHILE I FLEW TO SAFETY WITH MY AWSOEM PHICIC POWERS!

"Hicks, my love, I'll find you!" "I'll miss you soo much!"

I saw the others flocking above the cliff like thematic vultures and I quickly teleported away, vowing to find my love before Ripley did.

* * *

><p>Hicks coughed, his lungs aching as he spat a mixture of water and bile onto the wet grass beside the river. He closed his eyes, reviewing the list he had created in case of Serious Shit.<p>

_One: Have something to shoot other things with. _Hicks frowned. Aurelia had discarded his assault rifle before he had gone off the cliff. He quickly took inventory, noting with relief that he still had his Stakeout slung over his chest plate. It would be enough, should he need to hold his own for a few moments until he could make a break for it. He moved onto number two.

_Have a general idea of where the things you want to shoot are. _He glanced around. The new marine was either far away, or very good at keeping out of eye-and-earshot. He swallowed uncomfortably, suspecting the latter. Even so, lingering around this area would not help him, regardless of who was watching him. Cradling his shotgun, he began to make his way through the woods, following the river in accordance with number three.

_Head to the nearest population center to rendezvous with the people who will help you shoot things. _The river was fairly wide, and a city had most likely been set up at the mouth, in order to expedite trade. At the very least, he would be out of the wilderness. It'd be stupid as hell, he decided, to wait for his teammates to rescue him, considering there was a "hostile" in the area most likely tracking or attempting to track him that very moment.

A rustling in the bushes ahead of him stopped him cold, and he raised his gun before the largest bee he had ever seen in his life came hurtling out at him in a rage. It was three feet long, from head to stinger, which was at least a third of its length. He unloaded a shot into its head, blowing it off and making bits of exoskeleton fly everywhere. He then took a hunting knife to it for good measure. Its body writhed for a few moments, the three stingers oozing venom and slashing at the air in tiny circles, before falling still. He ejected the spent casing and broke into a light jog, continuing his list.

_Number four. These fuckers are everywhere. Stay frosty and pay attention if you like your face where it is. Number five… _

* * *

><p><em>It stirred in the World around it, its movement causing disturbance to the very fabric of which it was constructed. It sensed freedom, and it coiled itself triumphantly, letting loose a cry none could hear, save for a young man in a faraway room, and he simply couldn't be bothered. <em>

_It knew the young man. Or at least, it knew of its origins. He was something Wrong and False, something that should not Be. It awaited its release, but resented that the time should be brought about by this anomaly. It continued to twist in joy, nonetheless. So close…. _

* * *

><p><strong>More notes: <strong>I'm so sorry this took so long to come out. It was going to be way longer, but I figured you'd want more frequent updates as opposed to longer chapters posted infrequently. Anyway, here it is!

And as for Cloud's middle name... Steve Burton, anyone?

Besides, Cloud Steve Strife didn't sound nearly as good.

Special thanks to:

**Casamora**

**little miss piplup**

**fairybone0102**

**mi**

Please remember, leave a review, a gush, or a flame!


	6. Chapter 6: Defects

Chapter 6: Defects

**Author's Notes: **…Yeah. I screwed the pooch on this, I'll admit it. Sorry about disappearing for so long. I've had a lot going on, including work schedule shifts, nearly failing and getting held back (I have said it once, and I'll say it again – math is the root of all evil), some problems with my friends, and getting involved in a few RPs, which, while fun, took up a lot of my time. However, I think I have managed to summon up the willpower to finish this damn thing.

Anyway, here's a short chapter to get things back on track.

Special thanks to **FadedImitation **for offering to beta for me. And thanks for the review!

**FadedImitation: **My cruelty knows no bounds… so long as it's plot-relevant cruelty.

**Jamdat369: **Damn straight. I can grammer good with word mouth leters. Thanks, though! I'll check through again to find them.

**little miss piplup: **No problem! *Burns Nibelheim to the ground with the lighter*

**Guest: **Thank you. I aim to please!

**Thanks to everyone who subscribed!**

**Disclaimer: **If I owned this series, Cid Highwind would have been the main character in Advent Children Complete, because he is the best thing ever and don't you fucking forget it.

Let's kick this pig.

* * *

><p>Hicks was running.<p>

This wasn't a terribly unique experience to him – he was barely ever fazed by combat drops anymore. You saw a lot of things you didn't want to see when you were a marine, and you kept on seeing them long after you looked away, when you closed your eyes, or paid your bills. But that was how things went, and Hicks didn't mind it terribly.

He minded now.

The wildlife rivaled some of the stranger xenomorphic species he had seen not only in the bizarre adaptations they possessed, but from how downright hostile some of them were. More often than not, he had to stop and beat off some massive, venomous, multicolored insect or rodent. Things had improved slightly after he had managed to reach some sort of hiking path, but he was burning through his ammunition much faster than he would have liked.

He trekked on for a while longer. The more he looked around, the less anything made sense. He could have sworn these mountains weren't nearly as high as they were, let alone this close. Perhaps he had lost consciousness briefly in the river. He glanced at the torrent of frothy water he had been jogging next to, and followed it ahead into the distance with his eyes, revealing…

…_Son of a bitch._

Hicks stared at the massive waterfall currently impeding his progress. It had been two or three hours, judging by the sun gradually sinking lower into the sky, and his legs were screaming for a break, but he wanted to be at least reasonably near civilization before the sun set…

…which, due to the large cliff he was now standing atop with no way down, was looking to be a lot further than he thought.

…_Well, I've been running all day. She woulda made her move by now... and if I don't make camp soon, I'm as good as caught when she does get here. Can't hardly move a damn inch…_

Prodding a tree with his Stakeout first to make sure it wasn't alive (which he had learned the hard way, after tripping into one), Hicks slumped against it, breathing hard.

What a day. Sent out with a briefing he didn't even remember having, falling through some weird rift in space, being chased by a woman he _couldn't _have sex with, falling off a cliff, and –

_**Snap. **_

- being stalked yet again. Jumping to his feet, he raised his gun to his eye and peered around. There was something in the bushes. Something right…

"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa, wait! _Wait! _Don't shoot!"

Hicks lowered his gun a fraction of an inch as a young girl with brown hair and a slightly terrified expression came stumbling out of the bushes with her hands raised. "Don't shoot, I'm not even armed!"

"…Who are you?"

"Look, I'm on your side, okay? Just don't shoot me. "

Hicks narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You know about them?"

The girl nodded. "Yes. And I'm here to help you. So… can you please put the gun down?"

Hicks obliged, despite the fact that his soldier's sense was going mad in the back of his head. _You really do need a rest, holding up civvies like that…. _

He eyed her suspiciously for a few more moments. "You have a name, kid?"

"…Izzy," she said, after biting her tongue for a few moments and glancing at the gun.

"Welcome to the Hotel California, Izzy. Corporal Dwayne Hicks," he replied, tossing her the hunting knife, which she managed to catch after fumbling with it in surprise.

She stared at him a bit incredulously. "Right…?"

"Just in case. The wildlife around here is fuckin' insane."

"Right…"

* * *

><p>"…That doesn't make a damn bit of sense."<p>

The sun set over the riverbank, lengthening shadows across the makeshift fire they had set up. Ash and Brock stared blankly at Misty and May after being filled in. Cloud had been oddly melancholy all day, picking a bit of dirt out of one of the gears on that giant of a sword he always had. The Doctor and Rose were out "on reconnaissance duty", as the excitable man had put it, leaving a bunch of surly marines to plot revenge off to the side.

"What do you mean, it doesn't make sense?" Misty stared at Brock with a smug look on her face. "You were a brain dead zombie. Well, more of a brain dead zombie. Actually, the only reason I noticed anything wrong was because it wasn't Nurse Joy you were fawning over."

"Hey!"

"What, no luck with the ladies?" came a voice from behind them. The Doctor and Rose had returned, both drenched to the bone, the former covered in what looked like sap, and the latter looking somewhat displeased.

May stared. "What happened to you?"

"Ah. Yes. Well, you see, I found this fascinating plant, and I thought I might have a look –"

"He poked it in the 'eye' with his screwdriver, and it woke up and tried to eat him," said Rose, looking disgruntled. "I had to drag us both into the river to get away from it."

"Well, when you put it like _that –_"

"So, you didn't find anything?" said Apone, approaching them.

"…I didn't. I'm so sorry. But he'll turn up. Did he have any kind of tracker on him when he went over, any at all?"

Apone shook his head. "Not that I know of—"

"Hmm… well, that makes things a bit more difficult."

"—so I'm taking my men, and we're going to find him ourselves."

Cloud looked up from his sword. "Bad idea. Not with that madwoman on the loose."

"I am not leaving one of my men behind," he said with a scowl. "Besides, we find him, we find her. Win-win, as far as I'm concerned. She's our problem. Not yours."

Cloud merely nodded and went back to picking dirt out of crevices in his blade.

Misty frowned and glanced at Ash. All things considered, he was taking this rather well. But Ash always was pretty hard to faze. She smiled a little. Well, who wouldn't be, after all they'd seen? At least the world wasn't ending today… yet. She still wasn't taking any chances.

Half an hour later, the marines were packed up and ready to go. Several of them were still staring suspiciously at Cloud.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" asked Rose.

"'Okay' isn't the priority at the moment," said Apone. "If we don't find him, we'll meet up back here in a week. Deal?"

The Doctor nodded. "Deal. Happy trails."

And with that, they turned their backs and left.

* * *

><p>"—love you so much, Frost-sempai – love you so much, Frost-sempai – love you so much, Frost-sem –"<p>

With a grunt of rage, Frost blasted the fawning, delicate young man away from him. Failure after failure after failure… this should have worked. Why did it not work? Perhaps he wasn't… yes, that was it. More backstory. Why hadn't he thought of it before? If anyone would require more backstory, it would be Cloud…

He stroked the rapidly-cooling baby-soft skin of his lover's cheek, smiling to himself. This really shouldn't be as hard as he was making things out to be. He was stronger and faster than Cloud by now… and if he wasn't…

He watched as the body faded, then strolled downstairs, smiling sunnily at Tifa, who responded with sneer.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, dickcheese?" she bitched, glowering over the counter at him. "I have customers coming in soon, and I don't need you two backdoor humping over the counter again!" She shifted her weight, causing both of her grotesquely large breasts, both easily ten times the size of her head, to pop out of her shirt and fall into the empty sink with a loud **slap**.

"GOD DAMN IT, FROST, THIS IS YOUR FAULT!**" **she screeched, her sweater meat jiggling with every syllable.

"My fault? My fault that Cloud has been happier than he ever has in his life, thanks to the simple kindness I've extended him? Yes, I suppose that is my fault." He shook his head sadly.

"I hope you die, Frost. I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE, YOU CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT!" she whined. Frost flinched back at the smell of her breath… or maybe that was just the stench coming off her –

"Frosty, man, have you seen Cloud anywhere? Haha, Frost and Cloud, you guys go so great together!" Zack came bouncing in, grinning as always. Tifa began hurriedly stuffing her ample bazooms back into her far-too-small t-shirt with some difficulty.

"He left to go honor the people that died at Meteorfall. I'll go get him," said Frost.

"Great! That's super! Ahahahaha!" grinned Zack. His eye twitched.

Frost gave Zack a pat on the shoulder. Zack grinned. He then walked out the door.

Tifa glared at his back. Zack's grin intensified, until the sound of his teeth grinding against one another could be heard by the first customers coming in for lunch.

* * *

><p>"So… our merry band of travelers is a bit shorter, isn't it?" said the Doctor. "That kind of puts a damper on things a little… ah well. Any plans?"<p>

"Frost is still somewhere out there," said Cloud. "We need to find him. Teri is gone. Aurelia is after Hicks. He's the only lead we –"

"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"

"AND –"

Ash groaned.

"MAKE IT DOUBLE!"

Jesse and James jumped into view from a nearby tree.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all –"

"So, are you guys from the carnival or something?" asked Rose.

"…Do you know how a poke-napping works?" snapped Jessie.

"Do _you_?" said Cloud.

"How _dare_ you - !"

Misty cleared her throat. They all turned to look at her.

"So, in case you guys haven't noticed, things are kind of going insane. We've got magical disappearing rainbow girls and weird doctors and guys who carry helicopter blades as weapons. Do you think you two could get some priorities again and –"

**THUD.** "Meowth, that's right!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Does that cat have a coin welded to its face?" asked Rose incredulously.

"I thought it was a scale," began the Doctor.

"HEY! I'll have you know that this coin is –"

Ash plowed through them both. "So, can you guys lay off for a week or so until we get this sorted out?"

"Not a chance, twerps! We're here to strike where you least expect it!"

"When you least need it!"

"And we're going get ourselves that Pikachu this time, or –"

"Behind you!" said Ash.

"Like I'm fallin' for that!" said Meowth. "Now hand over dat Pikachu, or face the wrath of AAAH!" Meowth yelped, having chanced a look over his shoulder, and leapt away from the crackling rend in space behind the trio.

Cloud immediately threw up a Barrier. Team Rocket, however, was not so lucky.

Misty, shielding her eyes from the light, was barely able to make out the silhouettes of a wailing Team Rocket being flung away from them by the blast.

Then she brought her hand down and stared curiously at the young man in front of them with the funny multicolored hair, and the warm, engaging smile.

The Doctor stared. "…I think we found your lead."

* * *

><p><strong>More notes: <strong>In which no one can finish a sentence, not even the narrative. Take a drink every time someone gets interrupted. You'll be dead in five minutes.

So, nothing too long, but I did want this out before you sent my stuff to all the people I have listed in my will. Also, this chapter is unbeta'd, because I haven't heard from FadedImitation in a while, and I figured I owed you guys something, at least.

Remember to gush, flame, or review! Reviews are preferred, and all are welcomed. (Yes, even the flames. I need something to laugh at, right?)


End file.
